moments of truth

while we were setting our yoga mats out and getting ready for our big day with noah maze, a sweet girl that I see on a fairly regular basis came over to me while I was gabbing with a few of my yogi friends….when I paused from the conversation I was having, she looked at me and laughingly said, “Jennifer, every time I see you you’re talking about a different guy. You must have tons of boyfriends.”

I sheepishly grinned and replied, “I have zero boyfriends, but lots of almost lovers. And you?”

She smiled, “oh, I’m married. Have fun while you can!”

“Oh, I am!” I shamelessly said. “I’ve been doing this for years!”J

 (Right, Eric?)

(Right, boo boo!)

There have been several “moments of truth” that I’ve thought about and learned this weekend.

moment of truth #1

i both loathe and love yoga workshops. they take every ounce of energy I can muster up. I swear after each one that I will never do it again, and yet, I’m usually the first to sign up for them.

moment of truth #2

 i rarely am attracted to men that do yoga.

moment of truth #3
i have completely accepted the fact that there are certain yoga poses i'll never be able to do. and i am more than okay with that. 

moment of truth #4

unless you work, go to school at, or frequently visit UMC or take yoga at Butterfly or attend AA meetings, I probably will not see you until December.

moment of truth #5

i would love more than anything to put a sign on the outside of my house that says “do not disturb” and be alone all week.

moment of truth #6

my sweet friend, Tara, called to tell me I’m the busiest person she knows. That’s saying something coming from the busiest person I know;)

moment of truth #7

i have had zero chocolate or processed food in over a week.

moment of truth #8

i realized one day this week that no one calls me by my first name. every single person in my life has their own pet name for me. this is both endearing and odd.

moment of truth #9

i did over 12 hours of yoga this weekend. to say i'm sore and tired is an understatement. 

moment of truth #10

i tear up time i hear Bob Dylan's "Don't think twice, it's all right". 

this has always been one of my favorite little chunks of truth…

Inner Body Bright

Say "Inner Body Bright " to any Anusara student and they will puff up their inner body expanding the light and energy within and soften their outer body radiating positive energy outwards. "Inner Body Bright, Side Body Long" is something you will often hear in Anusara yoga classes - reminding us in each pose to allow the inner light to expand and to soften and pause before applying self effort.  Inner Body Bright reminds us to Open to Grace, to tune in to the currents of our heart and to the pulsating ocean of consciousness within us. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about this subscript principle--Inner Body Bright.

I’ve been thinking about the fact that it honestly doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside. It doesn’t matter how fat you are. How skinny you are. How tall or how short. Those things do not make up who you are.

Who you really are is who you are on the inside. What’s in your heart; what’s in your spirit; what’s in your soul.

I have so many beautiful friends that define who they are by what they look like. And the sad part is, they don’t even realize they do that.  It’s inbred in our society—Looks Matter—is the underlying concept in our world today.

And by no means am I saying that it’s bad to care about your appearance, but it is bad to define who you are by what you look like.

What does matter is who you are when no one is looking. What does matter is how you treat and view yourself. What does matter is who you are inside.

So, who are you?

Is your inner body bright or dark?

It doesn’t matter how much weight you lose….how many plastic surgeries you have….how many boyfriends, lovers, husbands you possess….

You are still the same person on the inside even though you might have made as many changes as possible to your outsides.

I know a lot of women who are absolutely gorgeous on the outside, but are ugly on the inside. and vice versa.

I don’t know about you, but I always want my inner body to be bright. I want to be beautiful on the outside, too—but even more beautiful on the inside.

My beautiful friend, Rachel, write a lovely blog that goes along with my thoughts and sentiments exactly. Please read it here!

 The quote at the beginning was found here.

The photo found here.

my weekend with jordan bloom

I got to spend the weekend in my favorite city—New Orleans.

If you know me, then you already know my deep love affair with the city. From the way it smells to the way it feels—I love everything about it.

Not only did I get to spend the weekend in my favorite city, but I got to spend it with people I love and doing something I’m very passionate about.

I had the honor of studying with Jordan Bloom as he led a weekend workshop on the Universal Principles of Alignment.

I was absolutely blown away with Jordan and his teaching style. He’s incredibly articulate, precise, gentle, and did I mention he’s beautiful to look at as well?!;)

I’ve done quite a few workshops in my yoga journey and I honestly have to say that this was my favorite. I think it was a mixture of the venue, the people, and the teacher. It just all came together so beautifully and the entire weekend was magical.

Swan River (Canal Street Location) was the most amazing venue. It used to be an old Library and the space was so inviting and scared that it was just an experience in and of itself to practice in.

 I’ve done a workshop with Michele a few years back at The Shala…and it was so awesome to get to see her again and visit with her. She’s doing such amazing things in the New Orleans kula and I’m so grateful for her dedication and love.

After practice on Saturday evening, a few of us had the privilege of dining out with Jordan and Michelle. Lilette on Magazine Street is the place to eat, folks. The food was decadent. But the company was even more decadent. We laughed, wined, and dined for hours. It was wonderful to get to know Jordan outside of the studio. He’s just an amazing person. It convinced me that I must go to South Africa to find a man. They seem to produce the most sensitive, playful, and gorgeous men. So, if you have any South African friends…..;)

I had so many “ah-ha” moments with Jordan this weekend. Things clicked and made more sense than they ever have before. I LOVE those moments because they are so rare. A few of the things I remember most about the weekend with Jordan are…

"It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it."

and

"It’s not how far you go, it’s how you go far."

His reminder to pause and to truly open to grace before doing anything was much needed.

Now it’s back to reality for me. I already have lots of assignments for school. I have lots of folks to get to know better. One of my goals for the summer is to make myself available for my new OT family. To get to know them individually and as a whole; To be a good friend, a good classmate, so that one day, I’ll be a damn good colleague.

As I go forth into this busy week, I hope that I remember to slow down; To be fully present; To make myself fully available for those that need my attention most, and most importantly, to open to grace.

P.S Yes, incase you were wondering—I AM extremely sore. But it was so worth it;)

"When we get out of alignment with Spirit and we try to make or expect life to be something different than it really is, suffering happens. We all experience pain and suffering, but it is not the quintessential nature of life. Just because the earth turns away from the sun and night occurs doesn't mean that the sun isn't always shining. It might be hard to see sometimes, but goodness and divine beauty can always be found if you adjust your vision just right."

John Friend

Fini part deux

Fini part deux

Somehow I made it. I finished my very last prerequisite for OT school yesterday at 9:30am. And I am VERY happy to announce that I pulled off a B in Physics!!!  I don’t know how that happened but I’ll take it!

And then my 3 week-break commenced.

I got my hair did by the lovely Kate McNeely. Just a little trim and a few highlights for the start of summer.

I ate powdered donuts to celebrate.

And then I ate cupcakes.

And then I got to eat at Spice Ave with some of my very favorite ladies.

And then I think I even ate a few more cupcakes;)

I am looking forward to spending these next three weeks visiting family and friends, being pool side as often as possible, doing lots of yoga, going to lots of meetings, cleaning out my closet, and just relaxing and taking it pretty easy.

Infact, in a few short hours I will be on my way to Meridian to be with my mom for Mother’s Day.

What a beautiful Saturday it is! I hope everyone is enjoying it to the fullest—sharing it with loved ones and being in nature as much as possible.

Happy May, Bloggers! 

struggle

I have to be honest with you guys—I have been struggling BIG TIME with something small, that has turned into something LARGE, since I’ve been sober—and that something is FOOD. Sugar in particular.

I know I posted this long post around the first of January about revamping my life and cutting out sugar—I even did the Master Cleanse for 14 days! And that was a good start. I dropped a few Christmas pounds, and felt a lot better. But the battle of the bulge (that extra 10 pounds that WILL not go away) is on and it seemingly has gotten so much worse just this year.

Don’t get me wrong, I know by no means that I am fat. I’m not. I’m a comfortable size 8 at the moment. But I have always been between sizes 4-6 all of my 20’s. and now, at the ripe age of 29, I just can’t seem to get back down to my ideal weight and size.

And I have to be honest—it’s killing me! It’s something that is pervading most all of my thoughts. It’s something I am constantly obsessing about.

I have ALWAYS been a relatively thin but healthy girl. Probably because I have always been active. ALWAYS. I ran my first marathon at age 18 and even in the past few months, I've run 5-6 miles daily AND I get in about 3-4 hour long yoga sessions a week. And most of the time I do eat really healthy and good. But I binge. I’ll eat healthy for 4-5 days and then eat junk food for the next 3. and then I wonder why my pants don’t fit. Hmmmm…….

It’s not just that my pants don’t fit, (although they don’t)  I’m having a hard time being kind to myself while my pants aren’t fitting. I’m basically basing my whole self worth on if my pants fit or not. And that is absurd. It’s insane. I’m telling myself horribly ugly things because of these extra 10 pounds.

I hate that I’m such an addict. I have this all or nothing mentality that is absolutely driving me crazy right now. Either I’m 100% healthy or I’m 100% unhealthy. No in-between. And since I cut out alcohol and tobacco, I’ve turned to food without even realizing it.

Now, don’t get me wrong---I LOVE food. I love to eat. I have always been a good eater. I remember people constantly remarking, “my, that girl can eat”. And it’s true—I can. And I love to eat. But lately it’s not just that I love to eat that’s getting me in trouble, it’s that I’m eating when I’m not hungry. I’m eating my emotions. I’m eating my feelings. and I’m completely addicted to sugar. It also doesn’t help that I know that my metabolism has slowed down due to my age.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like no matter how healthy I eat or how many miles I run that my pants are never going to fit again.

And that’s a lie, because eventually, they always do.

I know the answer to this is to stay consistent.

I’m talking to my friend about doing a food log and calling her at the end of everyday with what I’ve eaten—good ole accountability never hurt this gal;)

I need to practice affirmations and meditate more. My self worth is NOT based on how much I weigh. It’s based on who I am on the inside. And if I get my inside okay, my outside will be okay. I’m convinced of this.

I just thought I should be honest and let you know about this struggle. It’s frustrating. It’s difficult. It’s Life. And it’s not nearly the worst thing to be struggling with. Thank goodness this is my only problem today, right?!

I’m going to try and love myself exactly as I am. Because today may be all I have.

But boy oh boy—I can’t wait until those damn pants fit again.

One thing that may get me back on track with fitness and health is the weekend worship with Desiree Rumbaugh!! I am SO excited about getting to work with her this weekend. She is an international outstanding yoga instructor and we are HONORED that she is going to be in Jackson, MS this weekend!

So, if you don't have anything going on, hop over and join us! I'm hoping to have a lot of "ah ha" moments and get my head straight so I can get to work on resolving these body/mind issues that are going on.

If anyone has any encouragement or can relate, I'd love to hear about it!

Happy Weekend, Friends!

I hope that whatever you are struggling with, that you will know you are not alone.  Being human is hard. 

But even in great difficulty lies beauty. I'm just straining to see it;)

I hope that I always remember, no matter what I weigh.......that I AM good enough. and so are you!

why, hello spring!

Hello, Spring!

I don’t know about you, but I COME ALIVE during Spring time. I mean, I’m always “alive” but my spirit really soars when the weather gets a little warmer, the flowers start to bloom, the smell of honeysuckle tickles my nose—the way it stays light later, the breeze, the smell of fresh cut grass and cook-outs. MAN ALIVE—I LOVE IT!

I always fall in love during spring time. And I mean, not just with a guy (although there is usually one involved—at least one, I might add)…I fall in love with everything. Kind of like Valentine’s Day all over again!

And today was no exception.

The first day of Spring was utterly amazing and fantastic for me.

and to think it fell on a Monday!

I woke up with an over-whelming feeling of how awesome it is to be alive. To be alive and loving life. Wow. Words can not really express the state of my soul and spirit today because it was just completely other-wordly.

I went to school with an unusual skip in my step.

I went to the grocery store, came home, unloaded groceries and got a call from one of my favorite people—Malcolm. We walked down the street to eat at Basil’s in Belhaven.

We sat outside and enjoyed our salads. We laughed and talked and laughed some more.

Then we walked down the way to Belhaven University to see the Student Art Exhibit—seeing as it was the last day to view the show and my dear and beloved, Lydia Gamble, had a piece in there—I definitely had to see it.

I was absolutely amazed! It was a WONDERFUL show! Such talent very much quality work. I also loved visiting with my old friend Bob Pennebaker. Bob and I go way back from the time I was a student there and I just love him to death. He’s a rare man and I am so glad Belhaven has him!

 Check out a few of the pieces below! 

This one is Lydia's. 

We visited with the painting class—who was, of course, painting outside on this glorious day!

After our walk I went for a jog about the neighborhood.

I really can’t express how happy I am to be back in Belhaven! I just love it here. It truly feels like I am “home”. I am so comfortable in my skin and with my life. It’s a good feeling.

I listened to music and left my doors open to let the breeze come in.

I went to yoga and had my ass kicked but boy did it feel good! It feels good today to be passionate about life and to be able to fully participate in life; To be fully present and engaged in the moment.

I hope that each of you had a marvelous first day of Spring.

As you can tell, I certainly did;)

Here’s to a full week of Spring Time Bliss!

Something is Everything

How you do something, is how you do everything.

My yoga teacher, Scotta Brady, used the above statement as a theme for an anusara yoga class not too long ago.

I rarely remember themes from class (unfortunately), but this one stuck with me. It’s something I’ve been thinking about everyday.

How I do something is how I do everything?

Hmmm……

That would mean, how I treat myself, is how I treat you.

And if I do a half-ass job at something means I do everything half-ass.

And when I tell myself little white lies that I don’t think matter, I’m telling YOU those little white lies that I don’t think matter. But I’m willing to bet, YOU DO!

 Do I half-ass my way through life. Pretending. Not really caring. Faking. Negative. Cynical. Pessimistic.

Or do I give most things my all. Do my best. Give. Care. Am authentic. Positive. Optimistic.

It’s definitely something worth thinking about;)

How you do something, is how you do everything.

Happy Weekend, Friends!

*My heart and prayers go out to those in Japan. Let us keep them in the forefront of our minds this day. Sending them thoughts of peace and calmness amidst the storm.*

A few photos for the weekend from the app I downloaded this morning--Instagram