life without facebook

After my leave of absence from facebook, I can tell you a few things that have drastically changed:

1)     I get WAY more school done during the day (and evening)

2)    I’ve gone to bed almost an hour earlier every evening

3)     I pay almost 100% more attention in class. I’m not tempted to get out my phone and mindlessly fidget with it wavering back and forth between facebook and/or twitter.

4)    All the “chatter” in my mind is more calm

5)     I’m glad that I don’t know what you’re doing today. And I’m even more glad you don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going.

6)    I’ve had many more phone conversations and made more attempts to be fully present with the people that are actually IN my life (not on a screen)

7)     I feel less dumb

8)    I’m reading a lot more at night

9)    I’ve had more time to pay attention to what’s actually going on with me—instead of ignoring or evading things I need to be looking at.

10)                         I feel more “healthy” all the way around

I don’t know why it took me so long do to this. I’ve known I needed to do it for a while.

I hope your Lenten journey is one of thoughtful reflection and focus on why you do what you do. Why you believe what you believe; what changes you want to see in your life long-term; what’s keeping you from living the life you’ve always wanted to live.

In other news...

I made a brief trip home over the weekend—literally less than 72 hours but it was so wonderful to see my mom and dad—and of course my little nephew—who is almost 2!! This time I could really tell how much he’s grown. He’s talking more and his little personality is blossoming and let me tell you—he is ALL boy! That boy could play outside for 24 hours if we let him. He loves all our animals (by the way, we are now back up to 3 dogs and 3 cats! We haven’t had that many animals in years. My poor mom and dad)!

And now it’s back to the real world for me. The next two weeks at school are going to be the most hectic yet. We are getting ready to cram in a second round of tests before Spring Break—and while I’m maintaining a very B average this semester, I need to do well on these so I’ll have a little leeway going into our finals.

I have to tell you, I’m really ready to be done with this first year. The past few weeks I’ve realized how tired and worn-out I am of just my regular routine. My daily routine starts somewhere around 5:30am every morning and I usually never get into the bed before 11pm. But the end is in sight. Thank goodness. 

Blessings to you and yours!

With a full heart,

Jennifer

community babies

My parents had to be in Jackson this afternoon for an appointment. Instead of studying, yet again for finals, I decided to take the night off and visit with them. We first made a pit stop into Rainbow….as we have been doing since I was about 10 years old.

Side note:  I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before but my mom used to drive over to Jackson to buy 50 pounds of organic carrots once a week when I was 14 years old because my dad had cancer and she was convinced an all-raw diet, including copious amounts of carrot juice, would cure him. My dad ended up having surgery regardless and is now cancer free (thank the good lord) but we all drank so much carrot juice, our skin turned the color of tangerines.

Anyway. We stopped into Rainbow to buy our new latest favorite food item…Amande (cultured almondmilk yogurt). and then, convinced that I must have new, warm running clothes (by my father of course) we took off down Lakeland where we sat in traffic for at least 30 minutes. All you people who live down Lakeland, I don’t know how you do it. Not only is it the heaviest traffic area in Jackson, it’s also full of the most idiotic drivers around. But I digress.

 We stopped to eat at Osaka because I’m trying to eat Paleolithic this week and sushi is most definitely on my diet. We then made it to our destination—Target. I am now the proud owner of new under-shirts and more pants that look like yoga pants but my dad is convinced they are for running. Either way, they will be warm and now I can continue my early morning runs. In the 23 degree weather.

 As we were in the checkout line (around 7:30pm) I heard my mom say, “oh gosh, we’ve got to get back to Meridian, your dad has to get up at 4:30am to work the ER in Neshoba”.

It was at that moment my heart melted. I had no idea my dad had to get up at 4:30am to drive an hour to then work a 12 hours shift….in the Emergency Room.

My dad is 61 years old. He still works about 60 hours a week. He maintains a very busy private practice and he still works the ER at least once a week and probably 2 weekends a month.

He doesn’t have to work this much.

He does it to take care of his four, now GROWN, children.

My dad would have never told me that he had to work because I’ve never heard him complain once in his life. I’ve never heard him complain when my mom spends his money.  I’ve never heard him complain that his grown children are still virtually completely dependent on him (except my brother, Brian, who is now a big-dog in the corporate world).

My dad drives a 1989 Toyota Previa with no air-conditiong, no radio and probably no heat. But we all have nice cars. (Well, mine’s not so nice now but at one time it was).

My dad works so that his family has all they need and more often, all they want. He always puts himself, his needs, and desires last.

When I start making money, the first thing I’m going to do is take my parents on a long trip.

I hope that in turn, I will be able to take as good of care of my parents as they age, as they have of me my entire life.

I’ve always said that I won’t change my last name if I should ever marry because no man on earth could ever compare to my dad.

I guess I’m writing this because I was thinking about how much help I need in life. With everything. Just to make it through the day requires a ton of help from family, friends, classmates, teachers, etc. There isn’t anything I do that is solely an effort of just me and me only. It’s all a combined effort from everyone in my life.

We joke that my nephew (my parent’s first grandchild) is our “community baby”.  My sister, his mother, is an excellent mom and would be quite capable of raising him herself, but because he lives at my parents house and is the FIRST for everybody (first nephew, grandchild, baby, etc) we all act as his care-takes. We are quite obsessed with that little boy (as if you couldn’t already tell). We call him our “community baby” because  not only do we all help take care of him, we all LOVE taking care of him.

I think in that sense, the majority of us are community babies.

And if you’re not,

It’s not too late to become one.

Learning to let people help you; learning to ask for help, is about the greatest and best thing you can possibly do for your life.

On this last day in November, I am most thankful for you. For all of you who take care of me; who encourage me; who support me; who admonish me; who speak the truth to me; who pull me up when I fall down; who laugh with me; who cry with me; who love me.

as always,

your community gal,

Jen

picture source here 

2 years

I honestly can’t believe that it’s been 2 years.

Some days it seems like it’s been at least a decade.

And then others it doesn’t seem real at all.

This past week has been much more emotional than others. It was like I was living in slow motion through scenes of my past. I haven’t felt so many different emotions all at once in years. So strange.

I don’t really know what to say.

Except, I never thought I’d make it.

Neither did my dad.

I remember him calling me after I had been sober for about 3 months and for the first time in a really long time, I heard relief in his voice. He said, “I’ll be honest with you baby girl….i didn’t think you had a fighting chance left”.

I really didn’t have a chance left. I had long ago used up my 9 lives.

I really don’t understand it at all. Why I “got” it and why other don’t get it.

I’ve buried 4 friends in 2 years.

It’s a pretty certain fact that I’ll attend more funerals than I will weddings.

Someone asked me what I have learned.

What have I learned in 2 years?

I feel like I haven’t really learned that much. Except how to live life one second at a time without any mood altering substances.

(all I have left now is sex and food and well…we won’t talk about those here right at this moment).

I’ve learned to say what I mean and to mean what I say.

I’ve learned that I’m not going to die despite whatever heart-wrenching emotion I’m feeling. They really do pass.

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, I’m going to be okay. 

but probably the biggest thing I've learned is this..

Is my life bigger and better today than it was 2 years ago?

Yes and no.

It’s certainly a lot different.

But please don’t misunderstand.

Despite the big grin and the cackling laugh, it’s not all roses. There are some scars that I don’t’ think will ever quit hurting. No matter the length of time they’ve been there.

(i feel like this was written about me)

They did tell me that it wasn’t going to be easy. And it hasn't been.

But they did tell me it was going to be worth it.

And it is.

This goes out to you. this would not have been possible without you. and yes, I’m talking about you.

I am what I am and who I am, in large part, because of you.

The simple fact is this. No matter what happens to me, no matter how bad things get or how much it hurts, I know for a fact that I am loved.

And at the end of the day, I think that’s all people really want to know.

Thank you friends and especially family.

With deep love and gratitude,

I remain,

As always,

Yours.

Here’s to another 2 years of being free.  

(and although my new hair color was NOT planned, i thought it was just perfect for this anniversary.) If you never remember anything else from me, remember to be spontaneous. Life really is too short not to be. 

my dad

This Father’s Day was extra special.

All 4 of us (children) were home.

and one precious grand-baby.

We enjoyed church together even though we were 10 minutes late and made quite a fashionable entrance into our very full church;)

We enjoyed lunch together.

But most of all, we enjoyed….

Riding the Tandem Bicycle together!!!

My mom got my Dad this great tandem bike from Hudson’s and we all had so much fun with it.

I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. My stomach still hurts.

As most of you know, my Father is my hero. He is the reason that I am alive and he is the reason that I have purpose and direction in my life today.

My Dad has always demonstrated what it means to truly have unconditional Love.

No matter how much I messed up, how disappointing my behavior was, how many ridiculously stupid stunts I pulled, my dad was ALWAYS there with open arms, encouraging words, and a hand to pull me back up.

I was not an easy child. I was headstrong, strong-willed, hyper-curious, convinced I knew more than he did—convinced I was in charge of my life.

The funny thing is…my dad never told me I was wrong. He never once belittled my dreams or put me in my place. He patiently smiled and listened to my ridiculous notions and lofty ideas.

I’ve only ever heard my dad raise his voice twice in my life that I can remember.

My dad is a family physician (for those of you that might be reading who don’t know my folks).  He’s been Meridian’s number 1 primary care Doctor for multiple years now.

My dad is a TRUE example of humility and wisdom.

My dad drives a 1989 Toyota Previa. It has no air. and hasn’t for years. I believe the radio went out about 8 years ago.

I’ve never heard him complain once about it.

Infact, all he’s done is make sure all 4 of us children have working vehicles that are MUCH nicer than his.

My dad doesn’t buy himself new clothes or shoes or gadgets. He doesn’t have any expensive vices. He runs long distances and reads history novels for fun.

I’ve never heard my dad mention anything he really wants (material wise) or been upset when something breaks or falls apart.

My dad is never in a bad mood. I don’t ever remember him being cranky, pessimistic, or angry.

I think one of the main reasons my dad is such an amazing person is because of his strong faith.

My dad is a born-again believer.

He spends quiet time in the morning reading the Bible and praying. He’s done this ever since I can remember.

He’s taught me a LOT of things…but the 2 things I remember most are this:

1)Trust in the Lord
2) ALWAYS tell the truth

I’ve always said (since I was a little girl) that I will never change my last name when I get married. and that’s because I honestly don’t believe that any guy will ever hold a candle to my Father. This could also be the reason I’m still single;)

He’s the most generous, compassionate, and humble person I know.

I thank God everyday (literally—EVERY day) for my dad. I don’t know how I got so blessed. I really don’t. but I know for sure that God knew exactly what He was doing when He put the two of us together.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that I am where I am, and who I am because of my Dad.

 below are random pics from the weekend

Getting ready for church in mom’s bathroom.

 

Tullah and Irwin

This photo sums up the 2 youngest perfectlyJ

Dad opening his gifts. 

My mom LOVES to hula-hoop! Thanks, Tara for the hoop! 

heaven

He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers ~~Malachi 4:6

Family Day

Yesterday I got my first official taste of grad school. UMC held “Family Day” for the OT class of 2014. I can not believe I just typed 2014. It feels alien-ish.

My mom and dad came over. And my brother Clint joined in as well! We got to meet our whole class. I think there are about 35 of us. and I think that I am the oldest. ha! We were introduced to the staff and team at UMC that will help us through these next 3 years. We also toured the campus seeing where I will be in class come May. The only thing I kept thinking was, “I can not believe I’ve made a 3 year commitment. WHAT AM I DOING???”. But then it was always followed with, “That’s right, Jennifer…this is what normal people do..they make commitments and keep them.”. Oh yeah. I almost forgot;)

For as studious and Type A as I am, there is a fairly LARGE part of me that is absolutely and totally carefree. That part of me wants to just travel the world, have no schedule, no plan…..not worry about bills, laundry, work, or what day it is.

But, I know I’ve made the right decision. And in 3 years when I am working and making my own money, I CAN travel the world…..and worry less about bills....but I’ll probably still have to do laundry;)

After we finished the family day, my dad came over and hung my pictures on the wall! It sort of made my new place “official” in my mind;) My dad is so awesome….and so is my mom. I hope one day I have a marriage as strong as theirs. And are as unselfish as they are. And that I love my kids as much as they love me and my siblings. I know I’ve said it before, but I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would not be where I am today without them and their support. My success is largely due to them. And there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for them and ask Him to bless them 10 fold.

Here are some pictures of our lovely Friday together;)

and then today, I worked from 10-7. I packed my own lunch (with about 7 points, I believe)

and I exchanged a dress for this cool shirt.

Man, I’m not going to miss working retail, but I am going to miss the clothes at Anthropologie. None compare.

Time for a little R&R before I hit the books in the morning for Physics.

Goodnight, bloggers.

Goodnight, moon.