adieu sweet freedom

Our month long break is officially over.

 School starts back tomorrow and although this break has been absolutely amazing—I am ready to get back in routine, ready to learn more, and very excited about seeing my classmates!

This was the first time in years (probably about 6) that I've had a break this long.

 I’ve always been either working/schooling or both. And for once, I literally had 4 whole weeks free. Bizarre.

I hung around Jack town for a week after classes were over and did a lot of hanging out with this lady…

Spent the next week and a half in the Queen City mainly because of this guy…

And I also enjoyed spending a lot of time with this guy…

(and these guys)

Attended several Christmas parties…

Spent 3 days doing absolutely nothing…

Spent 5 days at a Monastery in Batesville, MS to welcome 2012…

Ran the Mississippi Blues Half-Marathon with my brother…

And finally, I got to spend my last week of freedom back in Jackson visiting with lots of dear friends that I don’t get to see often enough during the school year.

I had the pleasure of dining at Parlor Market 3 times during my break. Each time was supremely superb…

(the above desert tray was made by our very own, Lydia Grey Gamble. Do go visit her at Parlor Market. She makes the best sweets in town.)

I’ll sure miss these long breaks when I’m no longer a student.

That may be why I maxed out my 4 weeks…

But I’m ready to hit the books again……

I’m gearing up for my 30^th birthday in a few weeks… that feels a little strange.

I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday season and are keeping those resolutions you made 8 days ago…

I’m still working on my second post about all that I learned at Magnolia Grove. 

And so now I’ll bid adieu to the break from responsibility…

Good-bye Freedom! See you in May!

What did you do over the holidays?

How did you spend your break?

struggle

I have to be honest with you guys—I have been struggling BIG TIME with something small, that has turned into something LARGE, since I’ve been sober—and that something is FOOD. Sugar in particular.

I know I posted this long post around the first of January about revamping my life and cutting out sugar—I even did the Master Cleanse for 14 days! And that was a good start. I dropped a few Christmas pounds, and felt a lot better. But the battle of the bulge (that extra 10 pounds that WILL not go away) is on and it seemingly has gotten so much worse just this year.

Don’t get me wrong, I know by no means that I am fat. I’m not. I’m a comfortable size 8 at the moment. But I have always been between sizes 4-6 all of my 20’s. and now, at the ripe age of 29, I just can’t seem to get back down to my ideal weight and size.

And I have to be honest—it’s killing me! It’s something that is pervading most all of my thoughts. It’s something I am constantly obsessing about.

I have ALWAYS been a relatively thin but healthy girl. Probably because I have always been active. ALWAYS. I ran my first marathon at age 18 and even in the past few months, I've run 5-6 miles daily AND I get in about 3-4 hour long yoga sessions a week. And most of the time I do eat really healthy and good. But I binge. I’ll eat healthy for 4-5 days and then eat junk food for the next 3. and then I wonder why my pants don’t fit. Hmmmm…….

It’s not just that my pants don’t fit, (although they don’t)  I’m having a hard time being kind to myself while my pants aren’t fitting. I’m basically basing my whole self worth on if my pants fit or not. And that is absurd. It’s insane. I’m telling myself horribly ugly things because of these extra 10 pounds.

I hate that I’m such an addict. I have this all or nothing mentality that is absolutely driving me crazy right now. Either I’m 100% healthy or I’m 100% unhealthy. No in-between. And since I cut out alcohol and tobacco, I’ve turned to food without even realizing it.

Now, don’t get me wrong---I LOVE food. I love to eat. I have always been a good eater. I remember people constantly remarking, “my, that girl can eat”. And it’s true—I can. And I love to eat. But lately it’s not just that I love to eat that’s getting me in trouble, it’s that I’m eating when I’m not hungry. I’m eating my emotions. I’m eating my feelings. and I’m completely addicted to sugar. It also doesn’t help that I know that my metabolism has slowed down due to my age.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like no matter how healthy I eat or how many miles I run that my pants are never going to fit again.

And that’s a lie, because eventually, they always do.

I know the answer to this is to stay consistent.

I’m talking to my friend about doing a food log and calling her at the end of everyday with what I’ve eaten—good ole accountability never hurt this gal;)

I need to practice affirmations and meditate more. My self worth is NOT based on how much I weigh. It’s based on who I am on the inside. And if I get my inside okay, my outside will be okay. I’m convinced of this.

I just thought I should be honest and let you know about this struggle. It’s frustrating. It’s difficult. It’s Life. And it’s not nearly the worst thing to be struggling with. Thank goodness this is my only problem today, right?!

I’m going to try and love myself exactly as I am. Because today may be all I have.

But boy oh boy—I can’t wait until those damn pants fit again.

One thing that may get me back on track with fitness and health is the weekend worship with Desiree Rumbaugh!! I am SO excited about getting to work with her this weekend. She is an international outstanding yoga instructor and we are HONORED that she is going to be in Jackson, MS this weekend!

So, if you don't have anything going on, hop over and join us! I'm hoping to have a lot of "ah ha" moments and get my head straight so I can get to work on resolving these body/mind issues that are going on.

If anyone has any encouragement or can relate, I'd love to hear about it!

Happy Weekend, Friends!

I hope that whatever you are struggling with, that you will know you are not alone.  Being human is hard. 

But even in great difficulty lies beauty. I'm just straining to see it;)

I hope that I always remember, no matter what I weigh.......that I AM good enough. and so are you!

Bedtime Stories

Bring in your little ones for a storytelling circle of imagination and delight.

If you have kiddos (nieces, nephews, cousins, any little people at all) and live in the Jackson, MS area,

Please bring them by to see me tomorrow at Anthropologie (in the Renaissance) from 12-4 where I will be reading aloud from our collection of children’s stories.

While we regale them with tales, you’re free to Christmas shop!

Fondren Unwrapped and an evening with Girish!

Every year about this time, the merchants of the historic Fondren District host their grand Holiday Open House. It is a delightful way to begin the holiday season and I always enjoy strolling from shop to shop, listening to festive music, and sampling all the amazing cuisine throughout the business’.  This year’s Unwrapped was no exception! We had an amazing turnout and I could smell the holiday spirit in the air.

My very favorite part of the evening, however, was attending Kirtan at Butterfly Yoga.

The amazing artist, Girish, graciously came to Jackson, MS and I can not even begin to describe what a treat it was (for those of us that were there).

You may be stopping at this point and asking, “What on earth is Kirtan?” and “Who on earth is Girish?” .  Well, let me tell you.

Kirtan, also known as sankirtan, is the call-and-response chanting inspired and popularized by the great saint Sri Krishna Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. The roots of kirtan go back over 500 years to Renaissance India. During this period the influence and style of kirtan became the focal point for the upsurge in religious expression in Bengal led by Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. This joyful mood quickly spread throughout India, where today kirtan is accepted as one of the surest paths to enlightenment. The singing is accompanied by the ancient musical raga musical tradition with a rhythmic drumming style that transports the chanters to profound spiritual realms. In its religious fervor, it has been likened to modern American Gospel music, and in its heartfelt expression it compares to profound states of deep meditation.

Yes, Yes, I know it sounds weird and maybe even scary to some of you who are not active in the Yoga community, but I have found so much solace and comfort in the chants and mantras and this experience was one that produced deep gratitude and spiritual rejuvenation. I never in a million years thought I would ever enjoy it so much. But I did.

The musician who traveled to be with us and who made the occasion so amazing is none other than Girish.

Girish is an eclectic artist with roots in jazz, world, and sacred music. His musical talents find expression in a wide array of instruments – including tablas, world percussion, guitar, harmonium, and voice.

We listened, sang, hummed, some of us danced while some of us just swayed to the delightful melodies and beautiful words. As I looked around the room, I was overwhelmed with the sense of goodness. I was surrounded by people that I love and hold dear and who play a very active part in my daily life. I must confess I got a little teary when we all sang, “ All Good”.  

All in all, Fondren Unwrapped was a very special evening for me and I was reminded (thanks to Girish) that it’s true, “we are all diamonds shining in the sun”.

I’ll leave you with one of my all-time favorite mantras:

LOKAH SAMASTA SUKHINO BHAVANTU

Translated means:
May all beings everywhere be happy and free and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.

As Always,

Jennifer