truth or dare

I have recently discovered two truths about myself. Well, when I say "discovered" I mean that i've finally decided to quit being in denial about them. 

The real truth is that i'm afraid of commitment and have intimacy issues. Regarding men and relationships, I mean.
I'm wishy-washy and a tease.
I sleep with men I don't like and don't care if I ever see them again.
Infact, I'm more comfortable with sleeping with someone (even a random stranger) than I am going on a date with them.

You think this is messed up, don't you?


Don't worry. I do too. 

I realize that this type of behavior is unhealthy. And I thought it would get better after I got sober. To some extent, it has. But I still have quite a ways to go. 

The thing is that i'm not exactly sure what to do about this. Of course I can continue to bug my therapist with plausible reasons why I'm like this....of I could start "dating". But that does not sound like fun to me. It sounds uncomfortable and scary and makes me want to run just thinking about it. 

I’m not saying that I have a solution for this truth about myself but it feels good to finally admit it. And put it out there. Sorry, men.


(and mom if you're reading this.....don't worry. I'm still a virgin)

The other truth isn't necessarily about myself...it's about the way our system works, so to speak. I have several friends who desperately need therapy but can't afford it. Why is this? Why does it cost so much to receive beneficial help? The people that need it the most can't afford it! And the people who can afford it, need it simply because they actually can afford it (money creates a whole lot of issues).

This isn't right.

Thank goodness my daddy is a kind and generous man. And when I call him crying about my friends who need help, he helps them. But not everyone is like my dad. And there are millions more out there who need help that have no one to help them.


I think my second truth is that I want to do something to help these people. After I finish Occupational Therapy school, I want to get my  PhD in clinical psychology.

I want to be a pro-bono therapist. 

I know that sounds silly. And I know I won't make any money. But I don't care. I can make money with my degree in OT and can give back to the community with free counseling. 

It's not even really that I personally think I can help people with my wisdom or understanding, but I can help them by simply paying them attention, providing a listening ear, and telling them that they aren't the only ones out there who are feeling what they are feeling. 

Sometimes that's all it takes. 


That's all it took for me at one time in my life.
And I still have to be reminded of it often. 

So there. Those are my two truths. They are very different from each other. 

But I never said I was perfect or anything like it. 

I'm a real girl with some very real issues. And I know I'm not alone. 

What are your truths that you’re scared to admit?

Denial is powerful. Don’t let it rob you of your life.

the truth is......

as usual, the weekends go by too quickly.

i had the pleasure of spending this past weekend with my all-time favorite people.

my nephew.

and my boys.

I got to spend some really good quality time with Irwin. This little (16month old) boy brings me joy like no other. I honestly wish I could see him every single day. I enjoyed every second of chasing him, playing cars with him, throwing the ball with him, feeding up, bathing him, reading to him, and putting him in bed. He is one of the happiest babies I’ve ever seen. And might I brag and say his hand-eye coordination is remarkable for a 16 month old. He can actually throw and catch the ball.

And then I also enjoyed some QT with my favorite rambunctious crew—the “Uncle Goodtimes” (as I so affectionately labeled them over the weekend).

And I have a confession to make.

I throw the boys under the bus more than is necessary.

I embellish, boast, and make-fun of these guys so much that you might not actually know how much I really do love them.

If you haven’t already figured out by now, we (all 4 of us) are very lively characters. Our real lives and stories often seem more fictional than real. However, we can assure you, they are very real.

This weekend was no exception.

I spent Friday evening carousing around with them……listening to them moan about losing lovers they never had, and dancing to crazy, silly music. Then of course, they had to listen to my countless stories of lovers I don’t yet have, and all the recent “fumbles” I’ve made with love. At one point, we were all rolling around on the ground dying in hysterics.

You really can’t make this shit up.

I won’t re-tell any of the stories here because I can assure you, you would either A) not believe me or B) never speak to me again.

The night ended with an almost-bar- fight scene up at Weidmann's. I pretended to be largely embarrassed…even though I was mainly just giving them a hard time. I thought the whole entire thing hilarious. The fight ensued because some red neck hillbilly made fun of Eric’s scarf. I remember him yelling, “Don’t ever make fun of my scarf, bro!”.

And then he said, “Jen, would you push someone off this balcony for me”. And I said, “no eric, I wouldn't”. and He said, “I would. I would kill for you. I would gladly take any bullet or push any man off this balcony for you”.

And you know, as the weekend has come to a close….and I’ve thought about how much fun I get out of watching them make themselves look stupid….i have to get honest:

The truth is I would push someone off the balcony for you, Eric. I would also take a bullet for you or jump in front of a car for you or whatever else ridiculous nonsense thing we make up.

The bond I have with those boys is thicker than blood.

They’ve seen me at my lowest. They know all the skeletons hiding in my closet. They listen to me ramble on and on about things that don’t matter. They’ve helped me pick up the pieces over the years and move on. We’ve celebrated both good and bad times together. We’ve been through break-ups, deaths, marriages, relationships, children……..

They are the ones I want standing on my side if I ever get married.

Their opinions are the ones that matter when it concerns possible love interests, jobs, major and un-major decisions.

The truth is that I would rather spend my weekends with them than anyone else.

The truth is that I can’t imagine my life without them.

Eric, Patrick, (and Seanie-baby even though you weren't there, you were in my heart)

I love you.

Thanks for being my boosJ

I look forward to you all inundating my home this weekend!

 here are some photos from the weekend:

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and are ready for a new week! Last week in September, here we come!