on getting and being gotten

I heard a friend of mine mention this subject last night and it made me start to think....and because i'm still thinking about it, i decided to blog about it. so here i go...my thoughts on "being gotten". 

How many times have you thought to yourself, “they just don’t get me.”? Whether you were referring to your parents, your partner, your best friend, your boss….whomever… it’s something that I think most of us have said at more than one time in our life. I know I have. (and sometimes still do).

Before I got sober it was a very common theme in my life—people just didn’t “get me”. They didn’t understand who I was or how I felt or why I was doing the things I was doing—they didn’t know what it was like to be ME. If they did, surely they would be more sympathetic, more tolerant, more “on my side”.

And then I got sober and it was kind of the same deal—they didn’t understand what I was going through, what it was like to be “sober”, what it was like to be an addict, what it was like to have my family, my job, my situation, my, my, my……

And then as I began growing as a human being—and making necessary changes in my life, I began to realize that it doesn’t matter…

It doesn’t matter who “gets” me or if anyone ever “truly” understands me. It doesn’t matter because today I “get” myself. I understand me. And I understand that it’s not all about me……….. that’s the real thing. Having the mentality of “being gotten” is exceptionally selfish and it also reinforces the role of a victim….it’s thinking of myself and how I want you to “get” me and blaming issues and things we don’t understand on the statement: “you just don’t get me”. And it also presumes the idea that you’re thinking about me and that you also want to “get” me. I bet you don’t. I bet you really didn’t want to ”get” half the people you worried about “getting” you.

When I gave up my right to “being gotten” things started changing….for the better.

I was more at peace, more tolerant, and more content…

And the main reason for that is because I became comfortable in my own skin….and I finally came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter….it really doesn't.

You are who you are, and I am who I am….and If we can just remember that we’re here to love each other and be of maximum service to God and others—then I think we’ll all be “gotten” just fine.

When I gave up my right to be “gotten”, I embraced acceptance.

What about you?

Do you still need people to “get” you?

And if so, do you really “get” yourself?

(Oh the irony!)

I love when little lessons like this pop up and make me realize that it took my past to allow me to see and understand what I do today.

And the beauty is that I’ll always have these little learning lessons pop up because I’ll never be finished learning…I’ll never be at that place where there is nothing left to learn—because there always is.

I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday immensely.

Click here to see the 15 things you should give up to be happy.

(the title of this blog came from here)

“It is very easy to be tricked by the circumstances of the present moment. But, dear seeker, remember that everything changes! Life is an exercise not in adding, but in constantly letting go of what you know and who you think you are and to have the courage to become brand new. When we fixate on the past, we welcome it into our present moment, which keeps the past alive. When you give up the fight THAT is when you’ll take flight!”

- Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.

bikinis and guns--go team!

I always forget how quickly the last few months of Winter fly by. And for whatever reason, I seem to stay infinitely more busy in the first 6 months of the year, than the last. 

There’s something to be said about SAD (season affective disorder). I just come more alive when the weather begins to warm up and the days get increasingly longer.

Anyway—I have a new philosophy for this semester and so far, it seems to be working out alright.

The new philosophy is to study less and stress less.

(That way, i'll have more time to be bikini clad and ready to fire my guns???!!!)

That sounds contradictory I know, but it really isn't.

See, I always end up doing well in my classes. No matter how many quizzes or tests I fail in the beginning, I always come out with at least a B and more often than not, an A.

And after the hell I put myself through last semester (remember when I was doing nothing but studying Anatomy?! I do!) I made a pact with myself during the first week of school to just chill the freak out.

As a result, my schedule as grown increasingly full. Full of things that I want to do. Full of things that I love doing and that I enjoy.

For the past 3 weeks, I’ve enjoyed jogging in the mornings and alternating between Yoga and Pure Barre in the evenings. I’ve also managed to keep regular lunch and dinner dates with people in my life.

I’ve decided that while I might need to look at certain subjects (like Neuroanatomy) a little during the week, I am going to get my studying in during the weekends. And no, it’s not fun. But that way it frees up my time during the week to work out, hang out, and chill out.

Life is too short to worry about making A’s when it’s perfectly fine to make B’s (and even a C here and there, I might add).

During the month of February I have birthday parties galore.

In March, there are several wedding showers and a bachelorette party I’m in charge of because (YIKES) my sister is getting married in April!

All in all, I love my new plan. I just hope my new plan loves me.

Speaking of love...

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how vital it is to let the important people in our lives know that they are important to us.

There are so many people in my life that mean the world to me and yet I’m often “too busy” to make a quick phone call or schedule a little coffee or lunch date to let them know that they matter to me; That they are important to me.

I’ve vowed to start letting more people know.

I love studying love languages (as do most women, I’m sure).

My expressive love language is gift giving. I show my love for you by thinking about things you like and giving it in the form of a gift.

My receiving love language is quality time. If you want to tell me you love me, make time for me.

It’s really simple but I notice that more often than not, people miscommunicate because they don’t understand how they give and receive love nor do they understand how their partner gives and receives love.

It’s a very important concept and I hope you’ll take the time to just sit back and think about your love language.

 How do you give love? How do you receive love?

I think this has been plenty from me this evening.

Happy First day of February!

giving thanks

What a wonderful time of the year! This will be the first year in 3 years that I haven’t worked retail during the holidays and let me just tell you that I’m ecstatic! I have been able to fully enjoy my week long break by being with my family and re-visiting dear friends. It has been such a joyous week and I think it’s only right that I express my gratitude and thankfulness.

In no specific order, I am thankful…..

...for the sacrifice my parents made and continue to make each and every day. They are our biggest cheer-leaders and more importantly, they are my best friends. The relationship that I have with my parents is priceless. You would have never in a million years told me that this would happen.

...to be back in school and headed towards a wonderful career. I really do love OT school and I’m especially thankful for all of my classmates! Such gems.

...for my sweet homey apartment. It’s really been my favorite place to live thus far….my little pink palace.

...for all my friends both past and present. I’ve reconnected with a lot of old friends this past week and I really did tear up when I thought about each and every one and all the many adventures we’ve shared in this life together. I am so blessed.

...for this stage in my life. Even though I am not married, do not have any children, nor is any of that in my immediate future, I have never been as content and fulfilled as I have this past year. there really is so much to be said for truly being comfortable in your own skin; for knowing who you are; and the acceptance that comes along with that.

...for grace. and it’s continual out-pouring in my life every day. I don’t ever want to take that for granted.

...for community and being more specific, my community, my kula.

...that I’m not in control. That was a big job when I thought that I was. I’m glad that’s off my shoulders now;)

...for the ability to see and admit when I am wrong; for perspective.

...for frozen yogurt. Especially Berry Berry Good in Flowood.

...for the writing opportunities that have opened up because of this blog—I’ve been asked to write two articles for different publications within the past month. i am truly honored. although in no way do i consider myself a "writer", it does feel good when people tell you that they like the "voice" you've found.

...for the ability to start life over each morning when I wake up.

...for my nephew and the joy he’s brought to my family.

...for the ability to let things go.

 ...for High Noon Cafe's carrot cake.

...for yoga and the joy that it’s brought to my life. And for all my yoga teachers both past and present.

...for both the highs and the lows of life. Without the bitter, I wouldn’t know the sweet.

...for my past and the lessons I’ve learned and continue to learn.

...for good books, music, and conversation.

...for the ability to think outside the box.

...for dancing.

...for early morning runs on the reservoir.

...for art in all its many forms.

...for new seasons and all that accompanies each one.

...for the ability to laugh at myself.

...for the sweet peace and freedom I’ve known for a little over two years now.

I could on and on…..

Gratitude is an expression of the heart, a cure-all for resentments and self-pity

~Chris Timmins

With much joy and thankfulness in my heart,

Jen

When our ability to love is greater than our need to be right, we exist in a dynamic place of peace ~Unknown

the truth is......

as usual, the weekends go by too quickly.

i had the pleasure of spending this past weekend with my all-time favorite people.

my nephew.

and my boys.

I got to spend some really good quality time with Irwin. This little (16month old) boy brings me joy like no other. I honestly wish I could see him every single day. I enjoyed every second of chasing him, playing cars with him, throwing the ball with him, feeding up, bathing him, reading to him, and putting him in bed. He is one of the happiest babies I’ve ever seen. And might I brag and say his hand-eye coordination is remarkable for a 16 month old. He can actually throw and catch the ball.

And then I also enjoyed some QT with my favorite rambunctious crew—the “Uncle Goodtimes” (as I so affectionately labeled them over the weekend).

And I have a confession to make.

I throw the boys under the bus more than is necessary.

I embellish, boast, and make-fun of these guys so much that you might not actually know how much I really do love them.

If you haven’t already figured out by now, we (all 4 of us) are very lively characters. Our real lives and stories often seem more fictional than real. However, we can assure you, they are very real.

This weekend was no exception.

I spent Friday evening carousing around with them……listening to them moan about losing lovers they never had, and dancing to crazy, silly music. Then of course, they had to listen to my countless stories of lovers I don’t yet have, and all the recent “fumbles” I’ve made with love. At one point, we were all rolling around on the ground dying in hysterics.

You really can’t make this shit up.

I won’t re-tell any of the stories here because I can assure you, you would either A) not believe me or B) never speak to me again.

The night ended with an almost-bar- fight scene up at Weidmann's. I pretended to be largely embarrassed…even though I was mainly just giving them a hard time. I thought the whole entire thing hilarious. The fight ensued because some red neck hillbilly made fun of Eric’s scarf. I remember him yelling, “Don’t ever make fun of my scarf, bro!”.

And then he said, “Jen, would you push someone off this balcony for me”. And I said, “no eric, I wouldn't”. and He said, “I would. I would kill for you. I would gladly take any bullet or push any man off this balcony for you”.

And you know, as the weekend has come to a close….and I’ve thought about how much fun I get out of watching them make themselves look stupid….i have to get honest:

The truth is I would push someone off the balcony for you, Eric. I would also take a bullet for you or jump in front of a car for you or whatever else ridiculous nonsense thing we make up.

The bond I have with those boys is thicker than blood.

They’ve seen me at my lowest. They know all the skeletons hiding in my closet. They listen to me ramble on and on about things that don’t matter. They’ve helped me pick up the pieces over the years and move on. We’ve celebrated both good and bad times together. We’ve been through break-ups, deaths, marriages, relationships, children……..

They are the ones I want standing on my side if I ever get married.

Their opinions are the ones that matter when it concerns possible love interests, jobs, major and un-major decisions.

The truth is that I would rather spend my weekends with them than anyone else.

The truth is that I can’t imagine my life without them.

Eric, Patrick, (and Seanie-baby even though you weren't there, you were in my heart)

I love you.

Thanks for being my boosJ

I look forward to you all inundating my home this weekend!

 here are some photos from the weekend:

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and are ready for a new week! Last week in September, here we come! 

stuck in my head

I hope this rainy, lazy Labor Day weekend is finding you all in good spirits. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying being lazy and unproductive.

Here are a few images that I love.

this yellow piano

And this turquoise piano

This poster

this hiney

this pink tricycle

this love fort

this quote

what's stuck in your head?

Regarding Love, Dating, and all that jazz

(Please take note...this blog contains foul language and possibly may offend you. If so, you at least had my warning up front. This is not a "family" blog mainly due to the pictures i chose to post throughout it. with that, happy reading!)

I knew the day would come when I would have to address this subject. And I guess since it’s been a recurring question in the last week (especially) that the time is now.

Most people want to know how it’s possible that I am 29 and single and also why I’m not married.

(my brother calls me once a week asking me if I’ve found a man yet…which is both endearing and annoying).

I always respond by saying,

“have you ever met me?”

Surely, if you have, you would know the answer to that.

But (*le sigh*), they don’t.

And I guess, I don’t really know the answer to it either.

But here is what I do know about myself.

1)     I’m pretty picky. I don’t like someone just to like them. I don’t date people just so that I’m not alone. Which brings me to point deux.

2)    I love being alone. I also love people, but I especially enjoy my alone time. This is also a very selfish reason, and I’m completely aware of that. But for the last year, I have enjoyed just taking care of myself. I’ve enjoyed bonding with other women. And I’ve gotten a LOT accomplished. More than I ever could in a relationship.

3)    I’m a little scared. Well, that’s actually a lie. I’m a lot scared. If you examine the past decade of my relationship history, you will find the missing weapons of mass destruction.

4)    I’m scared you'll hurt me

5)    But i'm more scared i'll hurt you

6)    I haven’t really had anything to offer you. Except a lot of drama and un-necessary baggage.

7)     I’ve just talked myself out of it

8)    It’s just too complicated

9)    There’ s no number nine because I’m tired of writing about this.

I think the real answer for me and probably for you is that it’s just not the right time. Not the right person. Not the right situation.

not

the

right

time.

Or is it?

I don’t know. You tell me.

Side note: Don’t get me wrong, I love to love. I love falling in love; I love the idea of love; I love the concept; but I hate dating. I think it’s stupid and pretentious.

But I can tell you that I'm really not all that worried about it. and if I'm not worried about it, then you probably shouldn't be either. 

                                     

“When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.”

 ~Tom Robbins