truth or dare

I have recently discovered two truths about myself. Well, when I say "discovered" I mean that i've finally decided to quit being in denial about them. 

The real truth is that i'm afraid of commitment and have intimacy issues. Regarding men and relationships, I mean.
I'm wishy-washy and a tease.
I sleep with men I don't like and don't care if I ever see them again.
Infact, I'm more comfortable with sleeping with someone (even a random stranger) than I am going on a date with them.

You think this is messed up, don't you?


Don't worry. I do too. 

I realize that this type of behavior is unhealthy. And I thought it would get better after I got sober. To some extent, it has. But I still have quite a ways to go. 

The thing is that i'm not exactly sure what to do about this. Of course I can continue to bug my therapist with plausible reasons why I'm like this....of I could start "dating". But that does not sound like fun to me. It sounds uncomfortable and scary and makes me want to run just thinking about it. 

I’m not saying that I have a solution for this truth about myself but it feels good to finally admit it. And put it out there. Sorry, men.


(and mom if you're reading this.....don't worry. I'm still a virgin)

The other truth isn't necessarily about myself...it's about the way our system works, so to speak. I have several friends who desperately need therapy but can't afford it. Why is this? Why does it cost so much to receive beneficial help? The people that need it the most can't afford it! And the people who can afford it, need it simply because they actually can afford it (money creates a whole lot of issues).

This isn't right.

Thank goodness my daddy is a kind and generous man. And when I call him crying about my friends who need help, he helps them. But not everyone is like my dad. And there are millions more out there who need help that have no one to help them.


I think my second truth is that I want to do something to help these people. After I finish Occupational Therapy school, I want to get my  PhD in clinical psychology.

I want to be a pro-bono therapist. 

I know that sounds silly. And I know I won't make any money. But I don't care. I can make money with my degree in OT and can give back to the community with free counseling. 

It's not even really that I personally think I can help people with my wisdom or understanding, but I can help them by simply paying them attention, providing a listening ear, and telling them that they aren't the only ones out there who are feeling what they are feeling. 

Sometimes that's all it takes. 


That's all it took for me at one time in my life.
And I still have to be reminded of it often. 

So there. Those are my two truths. They are very different from each other. 

But I never said I was perfect or anything like it. 

I'm a real girl with some very real issues. And I know I'm not alone. 

What are your truths that you’re scared to admit?

Denial is powerful. Don’t let it rob you of your life.