letter to 2012

(Preface: I’ve been keeping a little journal of lessons learned during this past year. I decided the best way for me to issue this would be to myself. If I don’t heed my own advice, then what good is it?)

Dear Jennifer,

As you embrace this new year, don’t forget the lessons from the last one.

And don’t forget, the best future predictor of anything, is the past.

I’ve learned that if you disagree with someone and a war ensues, don’t participate. The other person is NOT going to understand. They may never understand. This little lesson has taken me all of my adult life to learn. And there is such a sweet peace and freedom in not pressing the send button to a futile email (or a text message).

If you disagree with someone’s political stand point, just remember that they will never agree with you. and you will never agree with them. So, don’t waste your time talking to the wrong crowd.

If you disagree with someone’s theological stand point, don’t waste your time there either.

Even if your intentions are good and you think they are pure, if you’re conveying them to the wrong audience, they will always get the wrong message. Consider your audience first! 

Remember the pendulum swing. Sometimes it swings far to the left. And other times it swings far to the right. Finding a balance between them will be your life long goal. Remember that this also applies to everyone you know.

When in doubt, don’t do it. It’s usually a bad idea.

Learn to speak the language of the people. If you are trying to relate, understand, or express anything to anybody…you must first learn the language of the people. Otherwise it will be like you visiting China and only speaking German. You are not only going to have communication issues, you are going to get into conflicts you had no idea existed.

Intelligence carries you much farther than emotionalism. Don’t forget this.

Learn the difference between being a “professional” and being a “friend”. If a friend asks you for advice, that doesn’t necessarily you need to give them your “professional advice”. It usually means you need to listen and nod.

No matter what your agenda, build a relationship first! I can not express how important it is to make people feel safe and secure around you! You will get no where if you don’t build one first.

And if possible, don’t have an agenda.

The more you come into your own and know what you believe, the less you feel the need to defend it. You don’t have to explain yourself. Whether people understand it or not. It's none of your business what others think of you.

What people don't understand they can make mean anything.

Let things go.

Let people be.

Live each day with intention full of goodness and hope.

Have more house plants.

Befriend your neighbors.

Support an organization of your choice one weekend a month. And if not one weekend a month, at least one weekend every few months.

Let your message be the way you live your life.

The real problem is almost always you. Until you realize this, you will always get offended easily, always point the finger at the other person, always think you have a ledge to stand on, and this will always cause you pain and frustration. Don’t forget this one!

If you are don’t like someone, it’s almost always because they are a mirror for you.

 All of your problems are of your own making.

Every single choice you make has a consequence. This could be good or bad depending on your choice.

If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot that you don’t.

You do not have to attend every argument you’re invited to.

Learn to laugh at yourself. You’re not near as important as you think you are.


Listen to your gut. It will almost always be the better decision if you do. 


Just because you are changing and making changes in your life does not mean others will. Don't expect people to understand or embrace your changes. Almost no one likes change. Be kind when others don't understand.


Kill people with kindness. Always. 


Don't sell yourself short. You are capable of far more than you realize. 

But remember, the most important lesson—not only for this past year, but for all years of all time……

You must surrender to win

If you don’t understand this now, it’s okay. It’s kind of like reading Moby Dick. The first time you read it, you don’t really get it. And then you read it 20 years later and it becomes the greatest story of all time.

Actually, there are two most important lessons. Along with surrender to live….

To love without abandon.

Happy 2012!

May this new year (and decade) you’re approaching be lived with as much intensity and passion as the last, yet without the recklessness of the last.


*a special post about how i celebrated new years is in the works! i know a few of you are anxiously awaiting to hear details......coming soon!

Vairagya

Last week a theme in one of my yoga classes was non-attachment, or in Sanskrit, Vairagya.

I started thinking during and after class how extremely important this principle is and how little I think about it anymore.

Non-attachment is pretty much the core of Buddhist philosophy and the purpose of life.

Non-attachment is easier to understand than it is to practice.

The simplest way of describing non-attachment is as the process of letting go. We gradually learn to let go of our attachments and aversions, systematically moving subtler and subtler through the layers of attachments in the mind. However, non-attachment goes beyond this; it is not just a practice of letting go, but is a practice of not taking on in the first place. 1

While the principle applies to all the gross and subtle levels, a gross level example will help. Think of two people who stopped smoking many years ago. One is still attached to cigarettes, and when he sees a cigarette, the craving begins. When he resists acting on that desire, and then let's go of the desire, this is the meaning of detachment. The other person also used to smoke, but when he sees a cigarette there is literally no reaction; the desire has completely disappeared at all levels of his conscious and unconscious mind. This is the meaning of non-attachment. The attachment is not released, but is simply not there any more; it is non or the absence of attachment. 2

The more I thought about it the more I realized that the past 2 years I’ve been practicing more non-attachment than I realized. I’ve detached myself from a lot of unhealthy behaviors, unhealthy habits, unhealthy people, unhealthy ideas and concepts.

However,

There are still many areas in my life that need to be detached.

To me, non-attachment and acceptance go hand in hand.

If I don’t practice acceptance on a daily basis—and surrender to the here and now, I become more and more attached to things that don’t serve me. I become mentally and physically attached and it is extremely difficult (once attached) to let go.

Basically, the more I cling to people, things, places, ideas, concepts, etc….the more un-evolved I become; the more irritable, restless, and discontent I become. And it’s harder to let go. I don’t believe that a person can be stagnant. To me, either we’re moving forwards or we’re moving backwards. If I’m not practicing acceptance and non-attachment on a daily basis, then I’m moving backwards. I’m regressing.

The art of non-attachment (or Letting Go) still seems a bit distant and vague to me.

But at least I think I’m headed in the right direction.

And of course the question beckons…

What are you attached to?

Can you let go?

It’s harder than it sounds.