Thankful Thursdays

After reading my friend, Joy Henson’s Blog, I decided that this would also be a good thing for me to do. Thankful Thursdays.

I used to write down 5 things I was thankful for every night before I went to bed. I haven’t done that in a long time but I remember that it always made me keep perspective.

Before I begin with my list, let me tell you something. I have been a little twerp lately.  I know that I am extremely stressed. And I am extremely tired. But that is no excuse for my behavior or my attitude (or lack thereof).

When I start taking things personally or calling people really horrific names, I know it’s time to stop and do a little inventory to see what’s going on. Because one thing I DO know for a fact is that when I’m upset or angry or hurt, it’s because there’s a problem with me. Not you.

I’m sorry that my game has been less than stellar the past week.

Mr. Stranger that told me I couldn’t park in the Cups parking lot, I’m sorry I called you a really really bad name to your face. and although I was in the wrong, you were still a douche (just to be clear).

I’ve dropped the F bomb approximately 6,3948 times today.

I had to take a “mental health” day and so I’m skipping my afternoon class to reflect and write this.

In all honesty, I’m lying on the couch watching re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy.

But anyway, here is my list for this Thursday.

1.     I am very thankful for the ability to admit when I’m wrong. Awareness is the first step.

2.     I’m thankful that my second set of anatomy tests are over. As of 11am today. And I feel much better about this one than I did about the last. i'm also double thankful because our teacher gave us tomorrow off! no lab for me tomorrow morning!

3.     I’m thankful for the awesome new space heater my mom gave me. It makes my den so nice and warm. Otherwise, my apartment has been called the “coldest apartment” in Jackson by the previous renters.

4.     I’m thankful that I can start my day over at any time. I don’t’ have to wait 24 hours, I can do it now.

5.     I’m thankful that I haven’t killed my ferns yet. Although I fear their time is coming to an end.

That’s all.

I’ll write more next Thursday.

What are you Thankful for?

29, ready or not, here i come!

On the eve of my 29th birthday, i was pondering the significance of age and thinking about my life. as i do every year. as if something special changes ON the very day of my birthday. it doesn't. but i always think it will. 

as I was thinking of something profound and epic to write, i stumbled upon this little email i sent to a friend about a year ago. 

i thought it was perfect. 

summing up things i've learned in my 20s. no, really.....in all my almost 29 years of existence. 

i hope you enjoy. 

*happy early birthday to me.*

Here I am. All of me. No hustle, no half-truth, no back door escapes. This is me.

I’ve been constructively reviewing my almost 28 years of existence recently. This has been brought on by a myriad of events that have really gotten me thinking and asking myself, “What have I learned?” and “what will be different from this point on out?” You see, I’ve made a host of mistakes over and over again….which is the definition of insanity, and I am unwilling to continue to be insane. Everyday is a battle for me—a constant struggle to truly be the person I was created to be, and not the self-destructive person that I’ve created myself. I have begun to take a continuous look at my assets and liabilities because I do have a real desire to learn and grow.  So, Jennifer Nanney, what have you learned?

I’ve learned that I am NOT the center of the universe. I am not the center of your life.

I’ve learned that I am 100% responsible for my actions, reactions, and emotions. If I have a problem with you, it’s simply because I have a huge problem with myself.

I’ve learned that I have absolutely zero control over people and their emotions.

 As much as I want to save the entire world and ensure that everyone is “ok” and at peace with themselves, all I can actually do is save myself and make sure that I’m ok and at peace with myself.

I am learning that I cannot allow feelings to dictate my actions….if I want to change how I feel, I must change how I act and keep at it long enough until acting in a healthy manner is as comfortable as acting in a self-defeating manner.

I have learned that who I am in a relationship with says as much about me as it does about them.

I am learning the development of self-restraint. When I speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one willful snap judgment can ruin my relation with another person for a whole day, or even a whole year.

 I am learning to avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness. When I am tempted by bait, it is imperative that I should step back and think….before I react in a way that later I will be very sorry for.

I have learned that all people, including myself, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and am learning to approach them with true tolerance and real love.

I have learned that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like me, are suffering from the pains of growing up.

I am learning that my pains of failure are turning into assets. Out of my pain I am receiving the stimulation I need to go forward.

I am learning to examine my motives. Why do I do the things I do? Is it for good or for evil?

An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow are the permanent assets that I am seeking.

I have learned that acceptance is the answer to ALL my problems today.  When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life unacceptable to me. And I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I have to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

I have learned that my peace of mind is inversely proportional to my expectations. The higher my expectations on others, the lower my peace of mind is.

I have learned that I have to watch my inches on a daily basis so that I don’t have to deal with miles.

I must add a few others that i just thought of:

I've learned that my parents WERE right. they are my biggest heroes today.

I've learned that i'm a lot tougher than I ever thought I was.

I've learned that really, anything is possible....it's just a matter of changing your perception.

That's all.

Oh, my intention for my 29th year?

To Live Like I Mean It.

Here's to you, 29! May you be my best year yet.