On the eve of my 29th birthday, i was pondering the significance of age and thinking about my life. as i do every year. as if something special changes ON the very day of my birthday. it doesn't. but i always think it will.
as I was thinking of something profound and epic to write, i stumbled upon this little email i sent to a friend about a year ago.
i thought it was perfect.
summing up things i've learned in my 20s. no, really.....in all my almost 29 years of existence.
i hope you enjoy.
*happy early birthday to me.*
Here I am. All of me. No hustle, no half-truth, no back door escapes. This is me.
I’ve been constructively reviewing my almost 28 years of existence recently. This has been brought on by a myriad of events that have really gotten me thinking and asking myself, “What have I learned?” and “what will be different from this point on out?” You see, I’ve made a host of mistakes over and over again….which is the definition of insanity, and I am unwilling to continue to be insane. Everyday is a battle for me—a constant struggle to truly be the person I was created to be, and not the self-destructive person that I’ve created myself. I have begun to take a continuous look at my assets and liabilities because I do have a real desire to learn and grow. So, Jennifer Nanney, what have you learned?
I’ve learned that I am NOT the center of the universe. I am not the center of your life.
I’ve learned that I am 100% responsible for my actions, reactions, and emotions. If I have a problem with you, it’s simply because I have a huge problem with myself.
I’ve learned that I have absolutely zero control over people and their emotions.
As much as I want to save the entire world and ensure that everyone is “ok” and at peace with themselves, all I can actually do is save myself and make sure that I’m ok and at peace with myself.
I am learning that I cannot allow feelings to dictate my actions….if I want to change how I feel, I must change how I act and keep at it long enough until acting in a healthy manner is as comfortable as acting in a self-defeating manner.
I have learned that who I am in a relationship with says as much about me as it does about them.
I am learning the development of self-restraint. When I speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one willful snap judgment can ruin my relation with another person for a whole day, or even a whole year.
I am learning to avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness. When I am tempted by bait, it is imperative that I should step back and think….before I react in a way that later I will be very sorry for.
I have learned that all people, including myself, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and am learning to approach them with true tolerance and real love.
I have learned that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like me, are suffering from the pains of growing up.
I am learning that my pains of failure are turning into assets. Out of my pain I am receiving the stimulation I need to go forward.
I am learning to examine my motives. Why do I do the things I do? Is it for good or for evil?
An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow are the permanent assets that I am seeking.
I have learned that acceptance is the answer to ALL my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life unacceptable to me. And I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I have to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
I have learned that my peace of mind is inversely proportional to my expectations. The higher my expectations on others, the lower my peace of mind is.
I have learned that I have to watch my inches on a daily basis so that I don’t have to deal with miles.
I must add a few others that i just thought of:
I've learned that my parents WERE right. they are my biggest heroes today.
I've learned that i'm a lot tougher than I ever thought I was.
I've learned that really, anything is possible....it's just a matter of changing your perception.
That's all.
Oh, my intention for my 29th year?
To Live Like I Mean It.
Here's to you, 29! May you be my best year yet.
