and all that jazz...

Hello Friends!

It’s been a bit since I’ve blogged. Which means that I’ve been even more busy than usual.

 More busy and less creative—or at least that’s how I feel.

Thank goodness there is only one month left in this semester.

Not much new to report from this blonde Aquarian—it seems like the past few weeks went something like this…

spring break…
getting sick…
getting over being sick…
coming off of steroids and feeling like I had chronic fatigue syndrome for 4 days…
art show…
wedding…
yoga…
*realizing that I have more school to do now at the end of the semester and not doing it*

So, yep—I’m now down to crunch time. We have projects due, papers, crafts, presentations and a last round of tests before finals.

I keep looking at my calendar thinking of all the possible arrangements and rearrangements so that I can do both what I need to do and what I want

to do.

 But it’s just not happening.

I always forget how delightfully busy spring time is…there are always at least 3-4 cool events/activities going on over the weekends—there are weddings and graduations and just the change in the weather brings out the party side of people.


I have a recent interest in Mad Men since it premiered it's 5th season this past Sunday. Last week I watched the entire 1st season on Netflix and enjoyed watching the premiere with Lydia and Clint. I must say, they don't make real men like Don Draper anymore. But more on that subject later...(the pictures on this blog were inspired by the ad men of the 60's)

I’ve recently had several people text and call me telling me they miss me on facebook and asking when I’ll return.

and I’ve decided...

I actually don’t know if I’ll return.

My life has been so nice without it. Don’t get me wrong, if you are a close friend of mine, I have missed you too! I’ve missed seeing what books you’re reading, what movies you’re watching, how you feel about certain subjects, and pictures of your kids….

But I don’t miss all the “noise” in my head that facebook, for some reason, brings to me.

I loved reading this recent Huffington post article about facebook...Debunking the Big Gang Theory: Why Facebook and Others Suffer From Being Big

But, if I do return to the biggest social media outlet in all of history…

It won’t be until the end of the semester.

I have more to do in the next month than is mentally possible and so I just don’t have time for more distractions.

Pinterest keeps me plenty of busy during my “down time”..

And I’m thoroughly enjoying reading Tennessee Williams Memoirs (thanks Kayo!)

That’s it for now I suppose.

I hope this spring is treating you with love and kindness and all things full of joy.


Jennifer

random ramblings

  Well, spring break is officially over. I hope you enjoyed your St. Patty’s Weekend…..

I got worse instead of better (like I figured) so on this overcast Monday I find myself home from school with a whopping sinus infection. I am feeling a little better than yesterday but not well enough to venture out.

So I’ve been sleeping, eating, watching tv, sleeping some more…..i was actually really ready to get back in the grind today. Only 6 more weeks of classes for us and then finals. And then we’ll get a 3 week break!

Yesterday I watched My Week With Marilyn which was fantastic. Michelle Williams is truly an excellent actress. I also finally watched Ides of March because who isn’t in love with Ryan Gosling?!

I’m really hoping to find The Descendants today because I’ve been dying to see it.

Tomorrow is the first official day of Spring….even though it looks like we’ll be in the 80’s all week---kind of more like summer than spring (as usual).

I was really looking forward to yoga tonight and getting back on a regular schedule with Pure Barre. 

Guess I’ll just have to wait a few more days.

I’m really not a good sick patient. I am entirely too active to be doing nothing for 2 days. My back hurts from sleeping so much.

Maybe I should write a gratitude list.

Or eat another pint of ice cream.

Perhaps both.

Happy Monday, Friends!

 both images courtesy of my pinterest

recommitment

I love my yoga teacher—I really do. I also love how the universe works and how we learn things exactly when we are supposed to—and not a moment too soon.

Today was not a very good day for me. Well, it started off not so good.

I could tell when I woke up that something was off…it started last night actually. You know that feeling when something isn’t right but you can’t put your finger on it?

I was irritable, restless, and discontent. I started to resent school and the load of this semester. It was so bad that before 7am this morning, I got down on my knees and said a little prayer….i prayed that God would guide and direct my thoughts, actions, and words…. that they would be divorced from self-pity, fear, selfishness, resentment…and that those things would be replaced with more love, patience, tolerance, peace……

And I still didn’t feel any better when I left for school this morning.

I continued to grow more resentful  throughout my day…..i contemplated leaving school several times—for the sake of my classmates. But somehow I made it through the day.

When I got home from school I was still “not right” so I took a second jog for the day and that seemed to clear my mind…and while on my jog, I made the decision to go to yoga tonight instead of studying. I’ve spent the past few days with my head in the books and I really needed to study tonight but I knew my mind needed a break.

When I got to yoga and my teacher started talking about her theme for the class I KNEW I made the right decision.

The theme for tonight’s class was on re-committing ourselves to our path in life. She gave the example that she wanted to recommit herself to her family, her health, and her dharma.

And I instantly knew that I had to recommit myself to the path I’ve chosen.

When I started off this semester I made a pact that I would take better care of myself this semester. I did NOT want a repeat of last semester when I did nothing but study because of the fear of failure. I made a pact that I would nurture the relationships in my life, be more involved in other activities, and find time to enjoy the small stuff.

And I really have honored that commitment….

until the past few weeks… when I got caught up in trying to do everything perfect and feeling like a huge failure in the process.

I am such an extremist that doing a little school and also having a leisure life seems contradictory. I’m usually either ALL school or ALL leisure. And I think I’m finding a balance and I need to be okay with this balance. But instead I feel like I’m not really “acing” school nor am I “acing” my leisure life.

But that’s okay.

I’m learning to do things differently—and that uncomfortable feeling of doing things differently doesn’t mean I have to stop doing it—it means I have to do it until it becomes a way of life—a habit. Learning to be balanced is going to have to become a habit for me…..because it’s something so foreign to my existence.

I re-committed myself tonight on my yoga mat to those things I did at the first of this year---taking care of myself physically, spiritually, and mentally—investing more of my time in the life of my family and friends—and honoring my life by being fully present in all the moments.

When I got out of yoga I had two text messages from friends I haven’t heard from in a while—and one of them I had no clue even had my number…..

I feel I must share them with you…….the first message read:

“Yes, like it or not, you are popular. But, quit beating yourself up and justifying your choices. Look at the beautiful and productive life you are creating. Love and trust yourself to give up any doubt that you somehow are not enough. Every day, we do the best we can and you seem to be doing so awesome that you inspire people and they want to move closer to you. It is a compliment but you my dear friend have the right and responsibility to love yourself enough to respect your limits. Hey and guess what? You are not responsible for any of us. So give up your guilt, it si wasted anyway if it is not serving you. I wish you lots of sleep, good grades, and healthy boundaries. Love always.”

The second message read:

“Hey this is Katie…I just wanted you to know that I saw a girl tonight I thought was you, got way too excited, did some touchdown dancing, and then had to apologize because it was not, in fact, you.”

And then my day (or night) got better.

How cool is that?!?!….that the universe…God….knew that I needed to hear all of that tonight…

It gave me chills just thinking about how things like that work….

I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m exactly where I need to be. I have (as you just bore witness to) the most beautiful people in my life…and when I’m busy being resentful and irritable I forget how awesome my life really is….school and all.

Recommitting myself to the life and path that I have chosen is going to be a daily practice from now on.

(Thanks, Scotta)

Blessings to you, my friends!

Jen

Matea

I’ve actually been dreading writing this blog. I’ve sat down to write it multiple times and then stopped. I get over-whelmed with sadness each time.

Today I am saying good-bye to a very dear friend.

I’ve had the privilege of knowing Matea—practicing yoga with her for the past year and a few months.

Today she is headed back to her home country of Croatia.

I remember the first time I realized she was going to be a regular at the yoga studio. 

She was so cute with her little accent. Her yoga practice took off in a flash and I found a new place for her within my little circle of friends here—within my soul.

And although I know it’s time for her to return to her boyfriend and family—words cannot express just how much we are all going to miss her here in our community and in our kula.

Matea,

I will miss seeing you every Monday at 5:30 and every Thursday at 6. Your laughter and joy will be missed as I’m hanging upside down in splits up the wall-or grimacing in torture pose. You will be missed at every yoga conference we go to. And I’ll never forget our time in New Orleans together;)

I know this isn’t a good-bye but more of a “see you later” because you can bet your best dollar that as soon as I get time from school, I’ll be over to visit. I already have pages marked in my Croatia book that I must see in real life.

I will miss you so much dear friend. You have changed our Kula for the better and touched so many people’s lives.

I’ll do my best not to cry today when we have lunch. But I probably will anyway.

Here’s to you my friend! May you continue on your journey with peace of mind and a heart full of love. May you never quit learning, discovering, searching…..

Until we meet again,

I love you!

Jen

yoga: year in review

This past year has held a lot of goodness for me. It’s actually been more pleasant than painful. And I can’t remember many years prior when I’ve been able to say that.

One of the reasons this year was so good was my commitment and dedication to my yoga practice. I’ve practiced more consistently in the past 2 years than I ever have before—even when I was teaching. I made a pact to try and get to my mat, no matter what’s going on or how I’m feeling, at least twice a week. And I basically honored that pact until Gross Anatomy turned ugly. And in all reality, I should have STILL keep that pact. But there literally is not enough time in the day.

This is my year-in- yoga review.

It's my year in review because I'm honoring Samhain this year which is observed on October 31st. 

In February, I had the pleasure of studying under MY very own yoga teacher, Scotta Brady, in a workshop she held in New Orleans. I also celebrated my 29^th birthday while there.

In April we had the honor of hosting Desiree Rumbaugh here in Jackson! I absolutely loved Desiree and the way she led us and taught us the secret of rooting to T-12. That phrase is permanently stuck in my head.. “root to T-12…hello, T-12, come in T-12”.

At the beginning of June, a few of us traveled back down to New Orleans to study with Jordan Bloom. Jordan was a pure delight. His spirit and energy are contagious. I loved his teaching style. He is very playful yet very direct. One of my favorite quotes from him is, “It doesn’t matter how far you go, it’s how you go far”.

In August, we had the privilege of hosting (for the second time in the past 2 years) Noah Maze! Noah came to us from Los Angeles and out of all the yoga workshops I’ve participated in during the last several years, his are the most physically challenging. He pushes me to a new edge every time I study with him. I love the way Noah interweaves the ancient texts into our practice. He is a masterful story teller.

I ended my yoga year with none other than the founder of Anusara yoga, John Friend.

John comes to New Orleans just about every year during Halloween. It’s John’s favorite holiday. I was going back and forth about attending because of school but I had signed up for this back in July and had been looking forward to it all summer. So, I worked my ass off to finish my school work in time and I was able to go. And I’m so glad I went.

John’s enthusiasm and energy are captivating. He talked a lot about energies and spirits, which was fitting because we were in New Orleans on HALLOWEEN. One of the main things I took away from that workshop was the concept of light and dark…of death and life. How we must die in order to really live. How every savasana is symbolic of death. And how we must not fear death but embrace it. How we must not fear change or the “death” of things or relationships. How our automatic response is to cling instead of to let go. How it is imperative that we embrace whatever it is that comes our way.

However, although I had the privilege of studying with some amazing  international teachers, my practice would not be where it is today if it were not for my local teachers. Scotta Brady has been impacting my life for the past decade and I’m so proud to call her my teacher. As well as my dear friend, Tara Blumenthal. Thank you ladies for your endless support and encouragement; For teaching me what it truly means to live your yoga on and off the mat. I look forward to many more lessons and classes with you both.

Many of you know that I study yoga; that I’ve taught yoga; and that yoga is something that means a lot to me. But I’m not sure that I’ve ever told you why it’s so important to me.

Why do I practice yoga?

From the time I started studying and practicing yoga when I was 19 years old, I developed an instant love for this ancient practice. I was asking questions and seeking to understand more of what life is about. I wanted to find purpose. I wanted to know my purpose. I was confused and frustrated and in a lot of pain when I found yoga. I wanted so much more out of life. When I began practicing an asana practice at 19, I had no idea what would unfold. I had no idea that yoga would ultimately save my life.

As most of know, I suffered from addiction for a long time. I found yoga right before my addiction took a turn for the worst. With yoga, I found that internal peace I had been searching for. I found forgiveness and love. I found that yoga knew no boundaries. You didn’t have to be a certain color to practice; you didn’t have to believe a certain thing. It was all inclusive, it was warm, it was accepting. It was all the things that religion was not (but should be).

When I moved home from college, I met my best friend and yoga teacher, Theresa Luke. She had just started a yoga studio in Meridian. She took me under her wing and I became a teacher for the yoga studio! We were on fire. And it was hard to be on fire for yoga in Meridian, MS. But she challenged the assumption that a studio would not make it. She poured her passion and her soul into Laughing Llama (now Maitri Wellness) and it was truly one of the best times of my life. We went all over taking yoga workshops. Asheville, Charleston, Jackson…..We were a couple of open-minded hippy chicks in the middle of a very small, closed-minded, conservative town. Unfortunately, shortly after things were getting good at the studio, I took a major turn for the worse and was separated from Theresa and the studio. The next few years were really rough. I traveled down some dark roads. But I never gave up on yoga. Or rather, yoga never gave up on me. It was my one constant.  Even when I was in treatment (a nice way of saying “rehab”) I made time to practice at least 3 times a week. Yoga nourished my soul. Yoga taught me that I am worthy just because I exist. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried on my mat in child’s pose…overwhelmed with sadness and grief and despair and disappointmen. I hurt a lot of people during that time. Myself included. 

When I moved to Jackson to get sober in the Fall of 2009, I had no idea what would happen with my practice. I knew Butterfly was still there (as it was during my years in college) but I just didn’t know where I belonged or where I fit in anymore because I was so utterly lost and lifeless. I told myself I wasn’t good enough and that I shouldn’t be practicing because I’m a loser and a failure at life. I was a hypocrite who professed yoga with my mouth but did drugs and hurt people with my actions. I just didn’t want to fail…again. But, after a few months of staying sober, I found out about a 12-step yoga class offered by a teacher who was also in recovery. I grew so excited. Yoga for people like me! Yoga for the people who are failures, who smoke dope, and who aren’t soccer moms! And I went. as soon as my forehead hit the mat, I knew I was home. I signed back up for regular classes and made a commitment, no matter how good or how bad I feel I am, to get on my mat and do it again; to pick myself back up and start all over.

Every time I get on my mat, I start anew; afresh. And with every savasana, I practice “dying”……I practice letting go, I practice surrendering.

Yoga has taught me (and continues to teach me) how to live; On and off the mat. It’s taught me that no matter what is going on, I’m going to be okay. That I AM worthy no matter what I do; that my thoughts become my actions so I better learn to control them! That what I struggle and battle with most, is myself. I am my greatest and my worst critic. I am not perfect. I’ve practiced for 10 years and still can not do a lot of the poses. Just like I’ve been living for almost 30 years and have still not “arrived”. But every day that I get on my mat, I get stronger. I learn new lessons and see things in a completely different way. Yoga teaches me perspective. It teaches me that you and I are the same person. How I see myself is how I see you; and how I treat myself is how I treat you. Yoga teaches me forgiveness….ultimately of myself but also of others. Yoga unites my mind and my body into one flowing orgasmic ball of energy. How I use that energy is what matters most. Yoga teaches me that this present moment, is perfect. And it’s all I have. And It’s all I need. I used to live in the future. I used to project what would happen and worry about things I couldn’t control. Over the years, that has diminished. About the only thing I worry about now are my test grades. And I’m even getting better in that department as well.

Yoga saved my life. Yoga has given me my best friends and an amazing supportive community. Yoga unites me to you and I bet you didn’t even know it. Yoga teaches me to accept what is and to let go of what isn’t.

I could go on and on (as if you couldn’t tell) but I’ll stop. I could write a blog every day on the reasons why I practice. And why I love it. And why I know it’s the only way to go about living my life. But this will have to do for now.

I should tell you something before I go though.

When I got sober, I had no idea what my life would be like. If I had made a list of all the things I thought I  wanted, I would have sold myself short (yes, I’m sure if you’re in recovery and reading this you’ve heard that phrase before..but it’s true).

Not only did I get a second start at life with new friends and new beginnings, I also made peace with my past and people in it and am very happy to report that I’m back in good graces with the ones that I “lost”. 

And I know that although things are going great right now, they won’t always be good. Pain and suffering will happen again. BUT, I also know that when they come, they also won’t last forever. And then Joy and Happiness will come again too; it’s the life cycle; the yin and the yang; the good and the bad; the dark and the light.

But regardless of what happens, I know I’m going to be okay. I know that regardless of what institutions, people, or ideas fail me….that yoga will always be my constant. It will be the one thing that I know will take me back no matter what.

Because the light within me recognizes and honors that same light that is also within you,

Namaste

When we get out of alignment with Spirit and we try to make or expect life to be something different than it really is, suffering happens. We all experience pain and suffering, but it is not the quintessential nature of life. Just because the earth turns away from the sun and night occurs doesn't mean that the sun isn't always shining. It might be hard to see sometimes, but goodness and divine beauty can always be found if you adjust your vision just right. ~John Friend

*Top photo is of Sharon Gannon and David Life; two of my very favorite yogis and the founders of Jivamukti yoga.

'round here

Happy first official weekend of Summer!

It’s hard to believe it’s only been summer here for 5 days. Some of you might be asking what the heck the last 2 months were?? Oh yeah..just Mississippi hotness. Doesn’t matter what season we’re in, it’s always more hot here than cold. But that’s okay by me. I like summer. I’d really like it if I could lay by the pool like last year. Oh well, maybe in 2014;)

Mid-terms are next week for me. I have a test every day. The funny thing is, I haven’t been nervous or anxious about any tests taken so far. I think the pressure and weight are off. I don’t have to make A’s. but I also don’t have to make C’s. I think I’ll be a B (for Best) girl this go round. And it’s a-ok by me!

I’m still enjoying yoga several times a week. I find it crucial to my over-all well being and mental state. Full time students, if you are reading this, GET UP AND STRETCH! It gets so easy to just move from seat to seat (classroom to study room) that we forget to move! Our bodies would be so thankful if we just did some simple stretches daily. My neck and right side of my back are already hurting. And I have 3 more years of this! So, I’ve made yoga a number one top priority while in grad school--more important than running even. Although I’m still running a good bit too.

Here are some blogs from last week that are MUST READS! I’m serious. Just too good not to take the 3-6 minutes to read.

 our messy messy life: you know you're a birth junkie if you.....

Little Sparrow: the road in between

Marvelous Kiddo: Happy Father’s Day!

Bernie Birney: Ishvara Pranidhana

I’ll leave you with some of my favorite summer photos for this week: Happy Summer, folks!

Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world.”

~ Ada Louise Huxtable

WINNING

Today was one of those days that make me both grateful and elated to be alive.

You know the days when everything comes together and you feel connected to everyone around you??

Yeah, I agree. They rarely happen. But when they do, MAN, is it good!

I am proud to inform you that I made a 90 on my Physics test I took this morning. From an F to an A baby! Now, THAT’S what I’m talking about!

I had an extra lovely yoga class with the beautiful Tara Blumenthal.

I went to the gym.

My sponsor gave me my 18 month chip this evening.

I attended a meeting in which unity and brotherhood abounded.

I didn’t eat any sugar. Or white flour (those are the things I gave up for Lent).

I’m collecting boxes.......as I’m MOVING THIS SATURDAY!

 Unlike my previous plans, my parents have decided to move me this weekend. Yikes! Just thinking about boxing this place up makes my stomach churn.

There are a few things I will miss greatly about living here:

 The Trace that I run on every morning.

And my roommate.

(she's gonna kill me for posting this pic! but Mac, I love you and will miss you more than you know!) 

I will miss her greatly. But, luckily we will still see each other plenty!

Winning.

That would be the word to sum up my day!

*Thanks, Charlie Sheen.*