yoga: year in review

This past year has held a lot of goodness for me. It’s actually been more pleasant than painful. And I can’t remember many years prior when I’ve been able to say that.

One of the reasons this year was so good was my commitment and dedication to my yoga practice. I’ve practiced more consistently in the past 2 years than I ever have before—even when I was teaching. I made a pact to try and get to my mat, no matter what’s going on or how I’m feeling, at least twice a week. And I basically honored that pact until Gross Anatomy turned ugly. And in all reality, I should have STILL keep that pact. But there literally is not enough time in the day.

This is my year-in- yoga review.

It's my year in review because I'm honoring Samhain this year which is observed on October 31st. 

In February, I had the pleasure of studying under MY very own yoga teacher, Scotta Brady, in a workshop she held in New Orleans. I also celebrated my 29^th birthday while there.

In April we had the honor of hosting Desiree Rumbaugh here in Jackson! I absolutely loved Desiree and the way she led us and taught us the secret of rooting to T-12. That phrase is permanently stuck in my head.. “root to T-12…hello, T-12, come in T-12”.

At the beginning of June, a few of us traveled back down to New Orleans to study with Jordan Bloom. Jordan was a pure delight. His spirit and energy are contagious. I loved his teaching style. He is very playful yet very direct. One of my favorite quotes from him is, “It doesn’t matter how far you go, it’s how you go far”.

In August, we had the privilege of hosting (for the second time in the past 2 years) Noah Maze! Noah came to us from Los Angeles and out of all the yoga workshops I’ve participated in during the last several years, his are the most physically challenging. He pushes me to a new edge every time I study with him. I love the way Noah interweaves the ancient texts into our practice. He is a masterful story teller.

I ended my yoga year with none other than the founder of Anusara yoga, John Friend.

John comes to New Orleans just about every year during Halloween. It’s John’s favorite holiday. I was going back and forth about attending because of school but I had signed up for this back in July and had been looking forward to it all summer. So, I worked my ass off to finish my school work in time and I was able to go. And I’m so glad I went.

John’s enthusiasm and energy are captivating. He talked a lot about energies and spirits, which was fitting because we were in New Orleans on HALLOWEEN. One of the main things I took away from that workshop was the concept of light and dark…of death and life. How we must die in order to really live. How every savasana is symbolic of death. And how we must not fear death but embrace it. How we must not fear change or the “death” of things or relationships. How our automatic response is to cling instead of to let go. How it is imperative that we embrace whatever it is that comes our way.

However, although I had the privilege of studying with some amazing  international teachers, my practice would not be where it is today if it were not for my local teachers. Scotta Brady has been impacting my life for the past decade and I’m so proud to call her my teacher. As well as my dear friend, Tara Blumenthal. Thank you ladies for your endless support and encouragement; For teaching me what it truly means to live your yoga on and off the mat. I look forward to many more lessons and classes with you both.

Many of you know that I study yoga; that I’ve taught yoga; and that yoga is something that means a lot to me. But I’m not sure that I’ve ever told you why it’s so important to me.

Why do I practice yoga?

From the time I started studying and practicing yoga when I was 19 years old, I developed an instant love for this ancient practice. I was asking questions and seeking to understand more of what life is about. I wanted to find purpose. I wanted to know my purpose. I was confused and frustrated and in a lot of pain when I found yoga. I wanted so much more out of life. When I began practicing an asana practice at 19, I had no idea what would unfold. I had no idea that yoga would ultimately save my life.

As most of know, I suffered from addiction for a long time. I found yoga right before my addiction took a turn for the worst. With yoga, I found that internal peace I had been searching for. I found forgiveness and love. I found that yoga knew no boundaries. You didn’t have to be a certain color to practice; you didn’t have to believe a certain thing. It was all inclusive, it was warm, it was accepting. It was all the things that religion was not (but should be).

When I moved home from college, I met my best friend and yoga teacher, Theresa Luke. She had just started a yoga studio in Meridian. She took me under her wing and I became a teacher for the yoga studio! We were on fire. And it was hard to be on fire for yoga in Meridian, MS. But she challenged the assumption that a studio would not make it. She poured her passion and her soul into Laughing Llama (now Maitri Wellness) and it was truly one of the best times of my life. We went all over taking yoga workshops. Asheville, Charleston, Jackson…..We were a couple of open-minded hippy chicks in the middle of a very small, closed-minded, conservative town. Unfortunately, shortly after things were getting good at the studio, I took a major turn for the worse and was separated from Theresa and the studio. The next few years were really rough. I traveled down some dark roads. But I never gave up on yoga. Or rather, yoga never gave up on me. It was my one constant.  Even when I was in treatment (a nice way of saying “rehab”) I made time to practice at least 3 times a week. Yoga nourished my soul. Yoga taught me that I am worthy just because I exist. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried on my mat in child’s pose…overwhelmed with sadness and grief and despair and disappointmen. I hurt a lot of people during that time. Myself included. 

When I moved to Jackson to get sober in the Fall of 2009, I had no idea what would happen with my practice. I knew Butterfly was still there (as it was during my years in college) but I just didn’t know where I belonged or where I fit in anymore because I was so utterly lost and lifeless. I told myself I wasn’t good enough and that I shouldn’t be practicing because I’m a loser and a failure at life. I was a hypocrite who professed yoga with my mouth but did drugs and hurt people with my actions. I just didn’t want to fail…again. But, after a few months of staying sober, I found out about a 12-step yoga class offered by a teacher who was also in recovery. I grew so excited. Yoga for people like me! Yoga for the people who are failures, who smoke dope, and who aren’t soccer moms! And I went. as soon as my forehead hit the mat, I knew I was home. I signed back up for regular classes and made a commitment, no matter how good or how bad I feel I am, to get on my mat and do it again; to pick myself back up and start all over.

Every time I get on my mat, I start anew; afresh. And with every savasana, I practice “dying”……I practice letting go, I practice surrendering.

Yoga has taught me (and continues to teach me) how to live; On and off the mat. It’s taught me that no matter what is going on, I’m going to be okay. That I AM worthy no matter what I do; that my thoughts become my actions so I better learn to control them! That what I struggle and battle with most, is myself. I am my greatest and my worst critic. I am not perfect. I’ve practiced for 10 years and still can not do a lot of the poses. Just like I’ve been living for almost 30 years and have still not “arrived”. But every day that I get on my mat, I get stronger. I learn new lessons and see things in a completely different way. Yoga teaches me perspective. It teaches me that you and I are the same person. How I see myself is how I see you; and how I treat myself is how I treat you. Yoga teaches me forgiveness….ultimately of myself but also of others. Yoga unites my mind and my body into one flowing orgasmic ball of energy. How I use that energy is what matters most. Yoga teaches me that this present moment, is perfect. And it’s all I have. And It’s all I need. I used to live in the future. I used to project what would happen and worry about things I couldn’t control. Over the years, that has diminished. About the only thing I worry about now are my test grades. And I’m even getting better in that department as well.

Yoga saved my life. Yoga has given me my best friends and an amazing supportive community. Yoga unites me to you and I bet you didn’t even know it. Yoga teaches me to accept what is and to let go of what isn’t.

I could go on and on (as if you couldn’t tell) but I’ll stop. I could write a blog every day on the reasons why I practice. And why I love it. And why I know it’s the only way to go about living my life. But this will have to do for now.

I should tell you something before I go though.

When I got sober, I had no idea what my life would be like. If I had made a list of all the things I thought I  wanted, I would have sold myself short (yes, I’m sure if you’re in recovery and reading this you’ve heard that phrase before..but it’s true).

Not only did I get a second start at life with new friends and new beginnings, I also made peace with my past and people in it and am very happy to report that I’m back in good graces with the ones that I “lost”. 

And I know that although things are going great right now, they won’t always be good. Pain and suffering will happen again. BUT, I also know that when they come, they also won’t last forever. And then Joy and Happiness will come again too; it’s the life cycle; the yin and the yang; the good and the bad; the dark and the light.

But regardless of what happens, I know I’m going to be okay. I know that regardless of what institutions, people, or ideas fail me….that yoga will always be my constant. It will be the one thing that I know will take me back no matter what.

Because the light within me recognizes and honors that same light that is also within you,

Namaste

When we get out of alignment with Spirit and we try to make or expect life to be something different than it really is, suffering happens. We all experience pain and suffering, but it is not the quintessential nature of life. Just because the earth turns away from the sun and night occurs doesn't mean that the sun isn't always shining. It might be hard to see sometimes, but goodness and divine beauty can always be found if you adjust your vision just right. ~John Friend

*Top photo is of Sharon Gannon and David Life; two of my very favorite yogis and the founders of Jivamukti yoga.

moments of truth

while we were setting our yoga mats out and getting ready for our big day with noah maze, a sweet girl that I see on a fairly regular basis came over to me while I was gabbing with a few of my yogi friends….when I paused from the conversation I was having, she looked at me and laughingly said, “Jennifer, every time I see you you’re talking about a different guy. You must have tons of boyfriends.”

I sheepishly grinned and replied, “I have zero boyfriends, but lots of almost lovers. And you?”

She smiled, “oh, I’m married. Have fun while you can!”

“Oh, I am!” I shamelessly said. “I’ve been doing this for years!”J

 (Right, Eric?)

(Right, boo boo!)

There have been several “moments of truth” that I’ve thought about and learned this weekend.

moment of truth #1

i both loathe and love yoga workshops. they take every ounce of energy I can muster up. I swear after each one that I will never do it again, and yet, I’m usually the first to sign up for them.

moment of truth #2

 i rarely am attracted to men that do yoga.

moment of truth #3
i have completely accepted the fact that there are certain yoga poses i'll never be able to do. and i am more than okay with that. 

moment of truth #4

unless you work, go to school at, or frequently visit UMC or take yoga at Butterfly or attend AA meetings, I probably will not see you until December.

moment of truth #5

i would love more than anything to put a sign on the outside of my house that says “do not disturb” and be alone all week.

moment of truth #6

my sweet friend, Tara, called to tell me I’m the busiest person she knows. That’s saying something coming from the busiest person I know;)

moment of truth #7

i have had zero chocolate or processed food in over a week.

moment of truth #8

i realized one day this week that no one calls me by my first name. every single person in my life has their own pet name for me. this is both endearing and odd.

moment of truth #9

i did over 12 hours of yoga this weekend. to say i'm sore and tired is an understatement. 

moment of truth #10

i tear up time i hear Bob Dylan's "Don't think twice, it's all right". 

this has always been one of my favorite little chunks of truth…

giving back

If you know me at all, you know I’m passionate about a few things…primarily helping people and supporting the local community.

This weekend I had the opportunity to do both!

I wanted to take some time to tell you about a few local ministries and organizations that are bettering the lives of many and are right here in our community of Jackson, MS.

Friday night I had the privilege of working with Sonbeams (a ministry of Pear Orchard church).

This amazing ministry helps in giving back by offering a “Parent’s night out” for those with developmental disabilities. Every other month, Sonbeams offers parents a night off while we (the volunteers and staff) get to know their children better and engage in a variety of activities.

This past Friday, we assisted in helping prepare boxes for Operation Shoebox drop (Christmas in July) to children all over the world who live in poor countries and have virtually nothing. We painted boxes and lids and I was amazed at our creative the children were.

We also played a lot of basketball, sang songs, and had a story and snack time.

I had the honor of being “buddies” with a 19 year old non-speaking girl. She immediately stole my heart. She held my hand as we walked around the church and was so kind and gentle. She was so alive and so full of life and yet this precious little girl can not communicate with the world like we do. But she does it in her own way. And she understands everything we say to her.

My heart was so full of joy when I left and I can not wait to go back and work with them again. My little buddy helped me more than I’m sure I helped her. And she didn’t even know it.

Last night (Saturday) I was honored to be a part of the JFP's  7^th Annual Chick Ball.

What is the Chick Ball? ( you may be asking)

The Chick Ball is a super awesome fund-raiser that celebrates women and supports the fight against domestic violence.

My dear friend and yoga teacher, Tara Blumenthal, pulled me in this year to help her Emcee and lend a helping hand.

I am pleased to say everything went much better than I had anticipated (in my head) it would. Hal & Mal’s was packed. At one point we had to shut the doors because the number of people inside exceeded the fire code!!!!!

There were so many amazing musicians who participated and every single dime went to the Center for Violence Prevention.

At the end of the evening, we all cut loose and danced the night away. I left sweaty and tired but again, my heart was full of joy.

Giving back brings me more satisfaction, more happiness, more joy than anything else in this world.

God has blessed with me an amazing life—full of sorrows and joys—but He’s blessed me with two working hands and feet and a mind that seeks to understand and know people—so that I may serve them; so that I may be used as a channel of love for others.

The purpose of my life is not really to be an Occupational Therapist someday. It’s not to be rich, skinny, and fabulous (although those would be great)…it’s not to be a mother, daughter, or sister.

My purpose is to be of maximum service to God and others.

My purpose is to give back as much as I can, wherever I can, to all the people I can.

And my purpose is served through being an Occupational Therapist someday, through being a mother (someday), through being a daughter and a sister and a friend.

I woke up this fine Sunday morning feeling good about my life; feeling good about the direction it’s taken for the past few years; feeling good about the world and the people in it. And I know it’s not because of me or anything I’ve done really. It’s because of letting go and surrendering and allowing people to come into my life and letting people leave my life.

Tomorrow I may feel differently.

But today, I’m super grateful.

With deep love and gratitude,

Jen

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more”

 ~ Anthony Robbins

Snoop double O G G!

On Wednesday night, my girlfriend (and Yoga instructor) and I got to spend quality time together by………

GOING TO SEE SNOOP DOGG!

I know, you must be giggling right now. Or have a look of confusion on your face.  But it’s true. Snoop came to Jackson and played at Club Fire.

I really did not know what to expect nor anticipated having as much fun as I did. But let me tell you. I had a….

MOTHER FREAKIN’ BLAST!

(in the words of Snoop. Except insert the real F bomb).

Tara and I had a lovely meal at Bravo! Italian Restaurant. We then ventured down to Club Fire (which is just hilarious to me in and of itself) and got our Snoop on. Snoop actually didn’t come out until close to midnight. So we danced to the rappers who came on before, ran into some friends, spent another hour taking photos, all while waiting for Snoop to make an appearance.

 I hear he is known for being fashionably late (as in close to 3 hours later than scheduled) and so I had expected to wait. And we did;) But when he came out, you would have thought I was the biggest Snoop Dogg fan in the whole world! I was mesmerized. Ha!

He played his old classic hits—my favorite is Gin and Juice. A few others that I actually knew were Sexual Seduction, Jump Around, Drop it Like it’s Hot, and What’s My Name.

He only rapped for about an hour and at around 1am called it a night. But oh no, It wasn’t over for Tara and I! A guy from the stage started hand picking girls to go back stage!!! We didn’t know what was about to go down but we sure wanted to find out! So, we went back stage! And got to meet all his crew, family (Dad), manager—everybody except Snoop. We were told he would come out to take pictures with us, but at about 2am, we realized, he might even be more late for backstage than he was to go on stage! So sadly, we left. I heard later on that he never came out of the bus but that people go to go IN the bus with him. Hmmmmm…….that sounds a little fishy. It was probably for the best that we left.

All in all, we had an amazing time. I just love Tara to death.

See you next time, Snoop!

In other news, I spent a couple of hours yesterday opening my windows because they were painted shut. and I finally got most of them open! Here is a view outside my house with the windows open. I don't know if you can actually tell they are open or not but I have the most amazing breeze coming in now! 

Happy Weekend, Friends! I hope everyone enjoys this last weekend in March!

WINNING

Today was one of those days that make me both grateful and elated to be alive.

You know the days when everything comes together and you feel connected to everyone around you??

Yeah, I agree. They rarely happen. But when they do, MAN, is it good!

I am proud to inform you that I made a 90 on my Physics test I took this morning. From an F to an A baby! Now, THAT’S what I’m talking about!

I had an extra lovely yoga class with the beautiful Tara Blumenthal.

I went to the gym.

My sponsor gave me my 18 month chip this evening.

I attended a meeting in which unity and brotherhood abounded.

I didn’t eat any sugar. Or white flour (those are the things I gave up for Lent).

I’m collecting boxes.......as I’m MOVING THIS SATURDAY!

 Unlike my previous plans, my parents have decided to move me this weekend. Yikes! Just thinking about boxing this place up makes my stomach churn.

There are a few things I will miss greatly about living here:

 The Trace that I run on every morning.

And my roommate.

(she's gonna kill me for posting this pic! but Mac, I love you and will miss you more than you know!) 

I will miss her greatly. But, luckily we will still see each other plenty!

Winning.

That would be the word to sum up my day!

*Thanks, Charlie Sheen.*

Wellness and Encouragement

Hello, Saturday!

Here in the dirty south, it is a gorgeous day! Full of lots of adventures awaiting to happen and hope on the horizon.

Both of my beautiful and talented yoga teachers are featured on the cover of the Jackson VIP this month!

Scotta and Tara are both very dear to me and are just as much mentors to me as yoga instructors. They have helped shape the person I’ve become and I am beyond grateful to them both!

I’m working on a post about yoga and what it means to me and why I practice. Stay tuned;)

On another really encouraging note, I found this manifesto of encouragement on a friend’s blog, Leigh Pennebaker. Well, I don’t actually know Leigh in person but I do know her Dad and her Brother and I absolutely LOVE her blog! She is so creative and beautiful and sheds so much goodness in the world! Her blog is Marvelous Kiddo incase you want to check it out! Which I highly encourage you to do so!  I just had to repost this one because it really touched my soul! Thank you, Leigh for sharing! 

The Manifesto of Encouragement was written by Danielle LaPorte. It totally made my day better, so I had to share:

Right now:
There are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endlessly reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness.
Someone you haven't met yet is already dreaming of adoring you.
Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.
Nuns in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of God's children.
A farmer is looking at his organic crops and whispering, "nourish them."
Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you. Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favourite food is, and treat you to a movie. Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give you -- for free.
Something is being invented this year that will change how your generation lives, communicates, heals and passes on.
The next great song is being rehearsed.
Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their heart chakras and wrapping it around the earth.
Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and will always be that way.
Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they'll be thriving like never before. They just can't see it from where they're at.
Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to ARRIVE, will get precisely what they want -- and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in it's reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all "So worth the wait."
Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression off of their psyche -- this luminous juju is floating in the ether, and is accessible to you.
Someone just this second wished for world peace, in earnest.
Someone is fighting the fight so that you don't have to.
Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, and your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time, and that you are generally safe. Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.
Someone is regaining their sanity. Someone is coming back from the dead. Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable. Someone is curing the incurable.

You. Me. Some. One. Now.

Happy Saturday, Friends! 

half way there

Half Way There!

Hooray! 

Day 7 of the infamous Master Cleanse is underway.

The past few days have been non-eventful.

Let me elaborate.

Tuesday: Lydia and I went to see Black Swan. My second time seeing it. That film is absolutely riveting. I could even be easily persuaded to go see it again;)  If Natalie Portman doesn’t win the Oscar, I will resume to eating as much sugar as possible.

NOT.

Wednesday: I did absolutely nothing all day.

And then I went to work. From 5-11pm.

I managed to walk away with just this little purchase.

I think it will be perfect for some upcoming engagement parties.

Thursday: Went to the theatre to see True Grit. Absolutely adored this film. And fell in love with the protagonist, Mattie Ross.

If you have NOT seen it yet, hop to it. The Coen Brothers have done it again;)

I plan on seeing Country Strong a.s.a.p.

Probably this evening or tomorrow matinee. And it will receive it’s own blog, I’m sure. Seeing as it has my all-time- favorite actress in the whole-wide-world-GWYNETH PALTROW!

Oh yeah. The Cleanse.

It’s going.

I woke up Wednesday morning having dreamt of nothing but sugar and this little dish……

 (cream cheese and pepper jelly)

I know, I know. Weird.

 I’m fairing pretty well I think.

I’ve managed to get to the gym everyday since Monday. Doing about 40-60 minutes on the Elliptical.

And this evening, after over a month and a half hiatus from yoga, I am returning. Thank. God.

5:30 can’t come soon enough. Nor can seeing one of my favorite instructors and dear friend,  Tara Blumenthal!

Happy Weekend Loyal Followers (all 12 of you that is. hehe;)