interim

We have now almost reached part 3 of my series, “why your feelings don’t matter”.

for part 1 click here and for part 2 click here.

But before we dive in, I think this little interim is necessary.

I think it’s really important to tell you that I am not, in any shape or form, 100% in control of my feelings or my thoughts most of the time. 

This is not something I’ve mastered and I, by no means, hope that this comes across as “well, I’ve gotten all high and spiritual and mastered my feelings….sorry for you mere mortals out there still gushing over every little tid-bit of feeling left in your soul”  (or something like that).

The thing is….is that I’ve only just begun on this journey—of living a life that’s based in rational thought and action. I spent most of my life living in a fantasy world-turned night-mare. I’m really only qualified to tell you what not to do…not what to do.

I still get upset. I still speak unnecessary words. I still allow a feeling to carry over too long. I’m really human-- seriously human. And I make no qualms about my “human-ness”.

But, the difference is that now—well, now I love living in reality. I love being rational. I love being able to weigh out pros and cons and make a decision based on the facts and not on the feelings. And if you know me, then you know that I have a blast living in reality. I genuinely have more fun now than I’ve ever had before. So if you think reality and rationalism are for the birds—maybe you should try it first.

Or it’s possible that you are a “feeling addict”—in which case you love experiencing the highs and lows and ins and outs of your feelings—if so, you should go see your local psychologist and try some meds out! The apocalypse is near;)

Either way, I just wanted to clarify my intentions for writing this—This is not me trying to preach something I think people need to hear—This is what I’m most passionate about—studying human behavior and understanding why we do what we do.

Your “thing” may be guns; or gardening; or playing music—my “thing” is studying people.

The truth is that we fear what we don’t understand.

Take math for example. How many people do you know that say, “Oh, I’m not good with numbers—I was terrible in math….have no idea how I passed it in college”.

I bet you’ve heard a LOT of people say that.

And the thing is, is that math isn’t hard. It’s just a bunch of numbers and equations and if you understand how to plug the numbers in the equation—it’s really pretty simple.

So, don’t say you’re “bad at math”—that would imply you’re an idiot. It’s just that you don’t understand math—so you’ve pre-determined that you don’t like it.

But if you understood it, you wouldn’t feel that way.

I think relationships are a lot like that. Not just romantic relationships—all relationships—with everyone. We don’t really understand how to “do” relationships—and as a result we pre-determine that we aren’t good at doing them.

The truth is—behavior doesn’t lie.

Words lie.

Thoughts lie.

Feelings lie.

But behavior—it really can’t lie. 

Because it’s a culmination of your words, thoughts, and feelings—and even if they are in discord with one another—your behavior usually tells us everything and more than we need to know about the later 3.

Which now leads me to part 3—why your feelings don’t matter. This is where your words meet your actions (or rather, where they don’t).

To be continued…