silly voices

Life can be so funny…so strange.

There are such sweet elements of delight followed by strong elements of sorrow and sadness.

I wonder if the rest of the world experiences this on a regular basis as well.

I am sitting here watching Ceremony on this Friday night while tinges of sadness and loneliness keep creeping in. Weird. Where are they coming from? I spend the majority of Friday nights by myself, but and yet, why is this one so different?

I kind of wish I had gone out.

But where would I go?

Who would I go with?

What’s wrong with me?

(these are questions that I’ve asked myself my entire life).

I want my best friend to hold me.

(and yes, I mean you)

I want some random genius to whisper less than stellar poetry in my ear.

(do I really?)

I want something. But I don’t know what.

My life has been plagued by that feeling—that thought.

When I started learning to live life without substances, they told me not to think but to “do”; To get busy—helping others, pouring myself into community service—to get out of myself.

I guess to a large extent, I do that on a regular basis.

Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me tonight.

I haven’t gotten out of myself.

I’m somewhere hidden deep inside.

And the voices are telling me…

that everything is not okay…

that something is missing..

that something is wrong.

But it’s not.

Silly voices.

(by the way, if you didn’t already know I was crazy, this is your confirmation.)