the grass is greener.....

......on my side?

actually, the saying is, "the grass is greener on the other side"....but today i realized that actually, the grass is greener on my side. here's the deal....

I’ve been on a major self-pity pot lately.

I’m somewhat depressed.

And I just got on new medicine…that is apparently working backwards from what it’s supposed to.

*Ugh*

I literally hate being in my body. I feel fat, gross, and severely ugly.

People assure me this isn’t the case but geesh, I’m not convinced.

The only thing I’ve thought about for the past 2 weeks is anatomy. I’ve quit going to yoga because I don’t have time to take away from studying. I’ve quit jogging in the mornings because I don’t want to get out of bed. I haven’t washed my hair in over a week. I think I’ve showered every few days or so…..

And then this morning I read this blog….about a woman who has 8 children. She gave a recent account of her morning at the grocery store with 5 babies. The account is funny and remarkable (to me) and can be read here. 

BUT,

It made me stop and think, “wait a minute.......your life really isn’t so bad, Jennifer”.

I started thinking about my life and somewhat comparing it to this woman’s life (who is also a VERY talented photographer and has the most GORGEOUS family I’ve ever seen). She pops out babies like it’s nothing..home-births and all. And manages 8 children…no maid, no cook….and she's not much older than I am!

I live alone. Have no children. My dog lives with my mother. The only responsibility I really have at home is watering my plants everyday (and paying my bills on time). Oh, and going to school;)

I get to go to sleep whenever I want and when I wake up, I only have myself to think about.

I can go out of town on a whim or without much notice.

I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want (although I really shouldn’t).

I get to lie on the couch and research ridiculous topics while watching Bulletproof (and writing this blog).

She can’t do any of those things. Because 8 people DEPEND on her…day and night….night and day…she has NO break from that.

To say I admire her is an understatement.

BUT, to say that I actually WANT that for my life is FAR from the truth……

I’m too selfish. I don’t want 8 people depending on me. In fact, I really don’t want anyone depending on me.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself and my drab ho-hum life (as it’s suddenly become due to my catastrophe in anatomy), I felt a little empowered. I really can do whatever I want.

I don’t know many women who can say this………

It makes me respect women who decide (or don’t decide but somehow have tons of kids) to have children….but I have to say, I’m glad I’m not there yet.

I’ll take my life as a student…studying interesting things, cutting on cadavers, lunches with classmates, being spontaneous, eating ice cream on my couch….the ability to do whatever I want!

this is one of those times when i realized that the grass doesn't look greener on the other side....it actually looks greener on MY side. 

One day this may not be the case, so for now…..i’m going to enjoy every last drop of freedom that I have.