on turning 29...

Before I launch into my final birthday story I want to say thank you to all the folks who have sent me messages and emails telling me how I’ve touched their lives and how proud they are of me. 

Thank YOU for even taking the time to read this silly blog.

 And thank YOU for sticking by my side through thick and thin. We all have a story to tell. I hope one day, you’ll tell us yours.


If you missed part 1 and 2 click here and here.

When I began this I certainly had no intention of telling parts of my life story through my birthdays. It just sort of happened that way on its own.

So, to catch you up quickly…..

When I got out of rehab in the summer of 2007, I quickly packed my bags and moved to Nashville, TN. I was adamant that I get out of Meridian—that Meridian and the people in it were the problem. Not me. I also convinced myself (one month out of rehab) that I was not an alcoholic—just a drug addict.

 And So, I began to drink again.

I turned 26 in Nashville, TN. I lived there all of a glorious 8 months…….was fired from 3 jobs within 6 months (record breaking, I know) and my drinking was again, out of control. I wasn’t using any drugs at this time—just copious amounts of alcohol. I drank on the job, I drank myself to sleep every night…and I started to drink earlier and earlier on in the day. I thought I was just (again) lonely and depressed (and of course I was DUE to the amount of alcohol I was consuming).

I moved back to Meridian a few months after my 26^th birthday.

For my 27^th birthday, I drove up to Nashville to spend it with a guy (musician) that I was sleeping with seeing. I don’t remember those 3 days at all. I do remember I lost my iPhone and on the drive back home, I began to experience the beginning of alcohol withdrawals. Those are the worst kind, by the way. I don’t remember very much from that birthday.

All I DO know is that shortly after I moved back to Meridian, I began doing drugs again—this time it was worse than ever.

I was honestly loaded 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When I say “loaded”…I mean that I was always on a substance. I was on uppers during the day (Adderall, cocaine), alcohol during the afternoon/evenings/ and Xanax in the wee morning hours when I would want to crash from all the speed I was doing. Repeat that cocktail over and over and there you have it—that was my life in a nut shell.

My personal life was a disaster.

 I did things I never imagined I could do. There are certain events that happened that I will take to my grave with me. Looking back, it honestly seemed like a nightmare that would never end.

When I got fired (picking up on a pattern here?) from a job that I really loved, my boss said to me,

“Jennifer, I really like you. I think you’re amazing and talented and brilliant—but I think you have a substance abuse problem”.

I looked at her and just shook my head.

I had “accidentally” missed work for a week because I ended up at the beach seeing Widespread Panic with a guy I met doing blow. Classy, I know.

At that point, I knew the jig was up again—time to go back into treatment.

This time, I called around different treatment centers—I thought I really wanted it this time—and to some extent I did.

I ended up in a 3 month treatment center in Columbus, MS.

 I did really well the first few months there but got kicked out a few days before I was supposed to “graduate”. The details of why I got kicked out aren’t near as exciting as you might think. The rules were exceptionally strict and I just didn’t follow them to a T.

BUT, it is important for me to tell you that I had convinced myself during treatment that although I wouldn’t drink or do drugs when I got out—I was determined to only do mushrooms. Because they were natural. (this is bizarre rational, by the way but it made perfect sense to me).

So, in a way—I just wasn’t ready to quit using substances that changed the way I felt.

And as soon as they kicked me out, I was drunk within the hour.

I honestly don’t remember the month after that.

I do remember that I stayed more fucked up than ever before. I was doing crystal meth/loads of downers/and literally wandering around not having any clue where I was.

My parents were at a complete loss. They had no idea what to do with me. I had no idea what I wanted. I remember my dad asked me, “Jennifer—what exactly do you want to do with yourself—your life?”

And I remember saying to him,

“I just want you to give me a shot so I can go away in peace”.

I was literally convinced that the only way for me to find and or know peace was to slip out of this world.

And with the amount and combination of drugs I was using, it almost happened.

The next day, my parents kicked me out of their house. A move they probably should have made years before.

They told me they had found a half-way house in Jackson I could move into or I could continue to live off of couches—bumming around and doing drugs.

I remember being pissed off.

But I packed my car full of my belongings (which wasn’t much, by the way) and I drove to Jackson. I had always said after college that I would NEVER live in Jackson again. The saying is true—you really should never say never.

I had no really intention on staying sober. I really had no intention on living. But something happened on the drive to my new home—I started crying. I literally broke down driving to Jackson and I prayed—for the first time in years. And I asked God for help (as corny as that sounds).

And I don’t know what really happened—most people call it a spiritual experience—but I am so grateful to tell you that I have not had a drink or a drug since that fateful day on September 8, 2009.

I lived in that half-way house for 6 months. I then moved out and started school—back on the track for Occupational Therapy.

In February 2011, I was accepted into OT school and the rest is history.

For my 28^th birthday, my new friends in sobriety threw me a huge surprise party. It made me feel so damn special. Especially since I was so new to it all. I will never forget that birthday—Thanks again guys for loving me until I learned to love myself.

Last year, for my 29th, I celebrated with a few close friends at Spice Avenue. It was quiet and sweet and quaint. Nothing like my 25^th (thank god).

And there you have it.

My journey through my 20’s.

I honestly have been so giddy lately when I think about my upcoming birthday on Saturday. I’m really, in all honesty, very excited about turning 30. I’m excited about a new year—a new decade—another chance—just everything.

For those of you who have been with me for the long haul—there really are no words to say to let you know just how much you mean to me and just how grateful I am for you.  

To my mom, dad and siblings—

You all saved my life.

Thanks for that.

Because today, I’m really really happy to be alive. 

(both pics were taken last year on my 29th birthday)