The
biggest mistake we make is thinking that we don’t have the necessary
ingredients for happiness in our lives NOW.
Even
the ones of us who have our shit together are usually still lacking that key
little ingredient that will make our life complete.
That
“key ingredient” could be love, money, job, location, kids, spouse, etc…
News
flash:
If
you don’t learn to want what you have and if you don’t learn to fall in love
with your life NOW—as it presently exists, you will never be happy.
Because
over the years, those key ingredients change. Once you get the job of your
dreams, then you want a spouse, or more drugs, or whatever “it” is. And it
never ends…because there is always that “just one more thing” on our list.
Not
every day is hunk dory in my life. I am 30 years old. I am in my second year of
grad school (and if I get my way, I’ll have about 5 more years of grad school
left by the time I graduate with my first masters), I have no current infatuation
or love interest, yet I have learned to love my life just the way it is.
And
on those days when I don’t love my life just
the way it is, I practice re-falling in love with my life until the peace
and contentment and joy come back in.
It has taken me 30 years to learn how to put this philosophy into practice.
But
all those trials and tribulations? Yeah, they were worth it. Because I think
the lacking ingredient with my generation is that they still can’t “find it”.
They are still looking for love, happiness, and peace in that one lacking ingredient.
They have yet to realize that it’s inside of them—and that they can access it
anytime they wish.
You
are the only person standing in your way.
You’re
blocking your own happiness, man.
It’s
time to get real folks.
{end of first soap box, beginning of second soapbox below}
One
of the other issues I see among humans everywhere is this idea and this longing for permanence.
It’s usually not even expressed or defined as that but that’s really what
everyone wants to know.
We
all want to know that everything is going to turn out like we want it to; we
all want to know that one day life won’t be as much of a struggle; we all want
to know that we’ll be successful; we want to know that we’ll experience good
health.
This
came to my attention the other evening when I was having dinner with some
friends…both are single people who desperately long for a partner—or at least
some reassurance that there will be a partner for them—that one day they will
get married.
I
threw out my philosophy of falling in love with your life right now—and while
they seemed to agree, you could tell they were a bit skeptical.
But
what I really think it comes down to for these friends (and just about everyone
else) is this idea of permanence. They want to know that they will find their “forever
lover” one day.
The
problem with this is that there might not be just that one forever lover. Maybe
there will be 4 or 5 in your lifetime…maybe just 1. Who knows.
The
fact is this: I’m so grateful that I didn’t get what I wanted.
This
means that for the majority of my life, I thought I knew what I wanted; what
was best for me; what I needed…and the truth is that it couldn’t have been
farther from the truth.
If
I got what I thought I wanted…I would probably be divorced at least 3 times by
now; I would probably have kids; I wouldn’t be in grad school; I might have ended up with
a TBI in the hospital—there is no telling-- but one thing is for sure, I’m so
glad I didn’t get what I thought I wanted.
It’s
been proven countless times that I don’t know what’s best for me; I don’t
always know what I need.
But
I DO know this: That in the end, everything will be okay.
If
I’m supposed to get married (or you’re supposed to get married), I will (you will).
End of story.
If
not, then you’re just going to have to learn to fall in love with your life—not
with the idea that life will be complete once you find your “forever” person
(soul mate, whatever).
Placing
that type of ultimatum on yourself is dangerous. It also places a LOT of expectation
on your future partner. It places a lot of unnecessary and fixed-false beliefs
about relationships in general.
We
really are only guaranteed today.
Make
it count.
Learn
to trust the process.
What
will be, will be.
And
be thankful that you, yourself, haven’t gotten everything you wanted in life.
If you take a moment to think about it, I think you’ll understand what that
means. If not, don’t call me. I’m out of the office until Tuesday;)
Happy
Labor Day Weekend, people.
(if you don't like this quote, then get out there and do something about it...all behavior is learned--it's time to un-do old behaviors and learn new ones--and remember, it's never too late to have a happy childhood)
