it's time to get real, folks

The biggest mistake we make is thinking that we don’t have the necessary ingredients for happiness in our lives NOW.

Even the ones of us who have our shit together are usually still lacking that key little ingredient that will make our life complete.

That “key ingredient” could be love, money, job, location, kids, spouse, etc…

News flash:

If you don’t learn to want what you have and if you don’t learn to fall in love with your life NOW—as it presently exists, you will never be happy.

Because over the years, those key ingredients change. Once you get the job of your dreams, then you want a spouse, or more drugs, or whatever “it” is. And it never ends…because there is always that “just one more thing” on our list.

Not every day is hunk dory in my life. I am 30 years old. I am in my second year of grad school (and if I get my way, I’ll have about 5 more years of grad school left by the time I graduate with my first masters), I have no current infatuation or love interest, yet I have learned to love my life just the way it is.

And on those days when I don’t love my life just the way it is, I practice re-falling in love with my life until the peace and contentment and joy come back in.

It has taken me 30 years to learn how to put this philosophy into practice.

But all those trials and tribulations? Yeah, they were worth it. Because I think the lacking ingredient with my generation is that they still can’t “find it”. They are still looking for love, happiness, and peace in that one lacking ingredient. They have yet to realize that it’s inside of them—and that they can access it anytime they wish.

You are the only person standing in your way.

You’re blocking your own happiness, man.

It’s time to get real folks.

{end of first soap box, beginning of second soapbox below}

One of the other issues I see among humans everywhere is this idea and this longing for permanence. It’s usually not even expressed or defined as that but that’s really what everyone wants to know.

We all want to know that everything is going to turn out like we want it to; we all want to know that one day life won’t be as much of a struggle; we all want to know that we’ll be successful; we want to know that we’ll experience good health.

This came to my attention the other evening when I was having dinner with some friends…both are single people who desperately long for a partner—or at least some reassurance that there will be a partner for them—that one day they will get married.

I threw out my philosophy of falling in love with your life right now—and while they seemed to agree, you could tell they were a bit skeptical.

But what I really think it comes down to for these friends (and just about everyone else) is this idea of permanence. They want to know that they will find their “forever lover” one day.

The problem with this is that there might not be just that one forever lover. Maybe there will be 4 or 5 in your lifetime…maybe just 1. Who knows.

The fact is this: I’m so grateful that I didn’t get what I wanted.

This means that for the majority of my life, I thought I knew what I wanted; what was best for me; what I needed…and the truth is that it couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

If I got what I thought I wanted…I would probably be divorced at least 3 times by now; I would probably have kids; I wouldn’t be in grad school; I might have ended up with a TBI in the hospital—there is no telling-- but one thing is for sure, I’m so glad I didn’t get what I thought I wanted.

It’s been proven countless times that I don’t know what’s best for me; I don’t always know what I need.

But I DO know this: That in the end, everything will be okay.

If I’m supposed to get married (or you’re supposed to get married), I will (you will). End of story.

If not, then you’re just going to have to learn to fall in love with your life—not with the idea that life will be complete once you find your “forever” person (soul mate, whatever).

Placing that type of ultimatum on yourself is dangerous. It also places a LOT of expectation on your future partner. It places a lot of unnecessary and fixed-false beliefs about relationships in general.

We really are only guaranteed today.

Make it count.

Learn to trust the process.

What will be, will be.

And be thankful that you, yourself, haven’t gotten everything you wanted in life. If you take a moment to think about it, I think you’ll understand what that means. If not, don’t call me. I’m out of the office until Tuesday;)

Happy Labor Day Weekend, people.

(if you don't like this quote, then get out there and do something about it...all behavior is learned--it's time to un-do old behaviors and learn new ones--and remember, it's never too late to have a happy childhood)