the truth is......

as usual, the weekends go by too quickly.

i had the pleasure of spending this past weekend with my all-time favorite people.

my nephew.

and my boys.

I got to spend some really good quality time with Irwin. This little (16month old) boy brings me joy like no other. I honestly wish I could see him every single day. I enjoyed every second of chasing him, playing cars with him, throwing the ball with him, feeding up, bathing him, reading to him, and putting him in bed. He is one of the happiest babies I’ve ever seen. And might I brag and say his hand-eye coordination is remarkable for a 16 month old. He can actually throw and catch the ball.

And then I also enjoyed some QT with my favorite rambunctious crew—the “Uncle Goodtimes” (as I so affectionately labeled them over the weekend).

And I have a confession to make.

I throw the boys under the bus more than is necessary.

I embellish, boast, and make-fun of these guys so much that you might not actually know how much I really do love them.

If you haven’t already figured out by now, we (all 4 of us) are very lively characters. Our real lives and stories often seem more fictional than real. However, we can assure you, they are very real.

This weekend was no exception.

I spent Friday evening carousing around with them……listening to them moan about losing lovers they never had, and dancing to crazy, silly music. Then of course, they had to listen to my countless stories of lovers I don’t yet have, and all the recent “fumbles” I’ve made with love. At one point, we were all rolling around on the ground dying in hysterics.

You really can’t make this shit up.

I won’t re-tell any of the stories here because I can assure you, you would either A) not believe me or B) never speak to me again.

The night ended with an almost-bar- fight scene up at Weidmann's. I pretended to be largely embarrassed…even though I was mainly just giving them a hard time. I thought the whole entire thing hilarious. The fight ensued because some red neck hillbilly made fun of Eric’s scarf. I remember him yelling, “Don’t ever make fun of my scarf, bro!”.

And then he said, “Jen, would you push someone off this balcony for me”. And I said, “no eric, I wouldn't”. and He said, “I would. I would kill for you. I would gladly take any bullet or push any man off this balcony for you”.

And you know, as the weekend has come to a close….and I’ve thought about how much fun I get out of watching them make themselves look stupid….i have to get honest:

The truth is I would push someone off the balcony for you, Eric. I would also take a bullet for you or jump in front of a car for you or whatever else ridiculous nonsense thing we make up.

The bond I have with those boys is thicker than blood.

They’ve seen me at my lowest. They know all the skeletons hiding in my closet. They listen to me ramble on and on about things that don’t matter. They’ve helped me pick up the pieces over the years and move on. We’ve celebrated both good and bad times together. We’ve been through break-ups, deaths, marriages, relationships, children……..

They are the ones I want standing on my side if I ever get married.

Their opinions are the ones that matter when it concerns possible love interests, jobs, major and un-major decisions.

The truth is that I would rather spend my weekends with them than anyone else.

The truth is that I can’t imagine my life without them.

Eric, Patrick, (and Seanie-baby even though you weren't there, you were in my heart)

I love you.

Thanks for being my boosJ

I look forward to you all inundating my home this weekend!

 here are some photos from the weekend:

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and are ready for a new week! Last week in September, here we come! 

naked as a jail bird.....

This past week has gone by in a fog. A dreadful fog that I thought would never disappear.

This was one of those weeks when you KNOW you’re in grad school because you’re exhausted, you never feel confident about the information, you can never study enough, you don’t sleep, you eat like crap and you look like crap.

Yep.

That was me this past week.

We had our first anatomy lab practical and exam back to back. Aside from being in class for up to 6 hours a day, I spent at least an extra 4-6 hours a day studying. (and i feel terrible about the exam we just took. i seriously hope i did better than i feel like i did.) 

(only some spoiled & ridiculous child would complain about studying 12 hour days. I realize this is the norm for some of the world..but not for this girl).

I didn’t jog or do yoga once this week. I slept a few hours a night, got up and went straight to my kitchen table to study, then straight to school, then straight home to study.

I ate nothing but pretzel m&m’s and keifers all week.

My neck has a crick in it. My carpal tunnel on my right wrist is acting up again (because I have to re-write my notes over and over). I predict by the middle of October I’ll be back in my splint. (don’t you think, dad?)

I both feel and look really ugly right now.

I’ve gained at least 5 pounds this past week.

My whole life I've been told that people envy me for various reasons...i can assure you that NO one envied me this past week;) 

All I want to do is sleep. (which is a sign that my spirit is not in alignment with my body).

The only thing that made me smile this week was the season premiere of Modern Family 

and this picture of my nephew.

Thank goodness it’s over……this week.

I certainly hope your week looked a lot differently than mine did.

By the way, we are officially now in a new season.

Happy Fall!

 p.s  but no matter how rough a week it is, i do believe this to be true.....

keeping perspective

This is for my classmates. Although I have not yet started our OT1 blog, this will have to do for now.

After all, you DID elect me class writer/reporter;)

Everyone is overwhelmed. (Except Emily Pierce;)

We have more to do than we can really get done in one day.

We’re in class exceptionally long hours.

We’re tired.

We’re hungry.

We’re lonely.

We miss our mamas and our boyfriends.

We have to multi-task just to make sure we have milk (or almond milk) in the fridge.

Every time we overhear somebody talk about anatomy, we instantly feel a lump in our throats.“Oh no! They know more than I do...I must study all night”!

It’s NOT a competition.

It’s a class. And undoubtedly it’s an important class…but it is NOT the most important thing in my life (nor should it be in yours).

You guys are.

and my family.

and my friends.

Making sure that my emotional and psychological well-being is taken care of (and consequently YOURS) is much more important to me than how well I know the carpis digitalis something or other.

In the grand scheme of things, these are just classes. They are classes to help us get where we need to go. They are not the end in and of themselves.

Don’t lose sight of that!

This is a marathon, not a sprint. The person to make the highest grade in anatomy or Peds is NOT going to be the best therapist (necessarily).

It’s more about being a good person. It’s more about how you treat your classmates, your families, your spouses (or significant others).

Stress is something we create in our minds when we tell ourselves “it can’t all be done”.

Maybe it can’t. but everything that needs to be done, will get done. It always does. 

Look at your history. I would imagine that every single one of you got through whatever was the worst class in college. And I bet you all did exceptionally well.

SO, how are we going to handle the rest of the semester??

One page at a time.

One class at a time.

One day at a time.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

Your perspective is everything.  It will make or break you.

So, if you are feeling extraordinarily overwhelmed………stop. Take a breath. Change your perspective. *This is not the most important thing in your life* YOU ARE. Take care of you. Ask for help. Ask for support.

I am beyond proud of us all.

I grow to enjoy each of you more and more every day.

You guys are the bright spots in my day. You really are.

So, quit beating yourselves up.

Don’t forget, this is not a dress rehearsal. This is your life. Live it like you mean it. Enjoy it. Nurture it. But please don’t stress it.

 All my love,

Nan

2 years

I honestly can’t believe that it’s been 2 years.

Some days it seems like it’s been at least a decade.

And then others it doesn’t seem real at all.

This past week has been much more emotional than others. It was like I was living in slow motion through scenes of my past. I haven’t felt so many different emotions all at once in years. So strange.

I don’t really know what to say.

Except, I never thought I’d make it.

Neither did my dad.

I remember him calling me after I had been sober for about 3 months and for the first time in a really long time, I heard relief in his voice. He said, “I’ll be honest with you baby girl….i didn’t think you had a fighting chance left”.

I really didn’t have a chance left. I had long ago used up my 9 lives.

I really don’t understand it at all. Why I “got” it and why other don’t get it.

I’ve buried 4 friends in 2 years.

It’s a pretty certain fact that I’ll attend more funerals than I will weddings.

Someone asked me what I have learned.

What have I learned in 2 years?

I feel like I haven’t really learned that much. Except how to live life one second at a time without any mood altering substances.

(all I have left now is sex and food and well…we won’t talk about those here right at this moment).

I’ve learned to say what I mean and to mean what I say.

I’ve learned that I’m not going to die despite whatever heart-wrenching emotion I’m feeling. They really do pass.

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, I’m going to be okay. 

but probably the biggest thing I've learned is this..

Is my life bigger and better today than it was 2 years ago?

Yes and no.

It’s certainly a lot different.

But please don’t misunderstand.

Despite the big grin and the cackling laugh, it’s not all roses. There are some scars that I don’t’ think will ever quit hurting. No matter the length of time they’ve been there.

(i feel like this was written about me)

They did tell me that it wasn’t going to be easy. And it hasn't been.

But they did tell me it was going to be worth it.

And it is.

This goes out to you. this would not have been possible without you. and yes, I’m talking about you.

I am what I am and who I am, in large part, because of you.

The simple fact is this. No matter what happens to me, no matter how bad things get or how much it hurts, I know for a fact that I am loved.

And at the end of the day, I think that’s all people really want to know.

Thank you friends and especially family.

With deep love and gratitude,

I remain,

As always,

Yours.

Here’s to another 2 years of being free.  

(and although my new hair color was NOT planned, i thought it was just perfect for this anniversary.) If you never remember anything else from me, remember to be spontaneous. Life really is too short not to be. 

stuck in my head

I hope this rainy, lazy Labor Day weekend is finding you all in good spirits. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying being lazy and unproductive.

Here are a few images that I love.

this yellow piano

And this turquoise piano

This poster

this hiney

this pink tricycle

this love fort

this quote

what's stuck in your head?