It’s hard to believe I moved to
Jackson, MS 4 years ago today. It’s hard to believe that my life is my life when I really stop and think
about it. I don’t have to go into specifics (I’ve already written plenty of
blogs about that) but my life was indeed, very different 4 years ago than it is
today.
4 years ago I didn’t have a penny
to my name, I had lost yet another job, I had been evicted from my apartment,
and I had very few friends who would still speak to me.
The best thing my Dad ever did for
me was kick me out of his house. After years of trying to save his daughter, he
did the only thing that was left and the very thing he should have done years before.
When I threw my few belongings in
the back of my Xterra and drove the overly familiar route to Jackson, I had no
idea what was in store for me. I had no intention on staying sober. I just
wanted to stop hurting. In all honesty, what I really wanted was to just
disappear.
4 years ago I had no idea that
what I would find in Jackson, MS would be myself. I had no idea that I would
get my shit together (for the most part), stay sober, go back to school, become
involved in a community of amazing people, find a church home, live on my own,
get out of debt (except school loans of course), dye my hair red, then back to
blonde…….
However, the biggest obstacles I
had to overcome really weren’t the external ones. They were much more internal
than I realized. I never thought I would ever be emotionally stable, I never
thought I would be comfortable in my own skin and I never thought I’d really
learn to let things go. But stretch by stretch and inch by inch, I have.
My mom always tells people that it
has taken a village to raise me and it’s so true. It’s taken several
communities and villages to teach this girl how to live.
I believe that the whole is
greater than the sum of its parts (good ole Gestalt psychology). When applied
to my life, it means that the entirety of my life is greater than just me.
I’ve flourished the past 4 years
because of the people that are in my life. All the people past and present have
each given me the invaluable gift of themselves. I am overwhelmed when I really
sit down and think about all the love I receive on a daily basis from you all.
Every text, phone call, smile, visit, meal that I share with you fills my heart
to the brim. Just being in your presence gives me the hope and courage I need
to keep on going.
So today, I honor you. To all the
people that make up both my inner circle and larger circles, thank you.
Thank you for being my friend; thank
you for making me laugh; thank you for calling me out when I’m being completely
and utterly ridiculous; and thank you for reminding me that sometimes it’s okay
to be completely and utterly ridiculous. Thank you for holding my hand and
jumping with me over hurdles that always appear too high, but never actually
are.
In short, thank you for loving
me—even when my flaws are glaringly present. But most of all, thank you for not
giving up on me. You probably have no idea how much you mean to me but I will
tell you this, if everything I had fell away in an instant, I would be okay as
long as I knew that I had you by my side.
These past 4 years have only been
possible because of you.
Thank you for making my life so
meaningful and so much fun to live; thank you for infusing my life with more
joy than I ever thought possible.
This day belongs to you.
Today, I celebrate you.
Here’s to the next run around the
sun.
As always,
Yours,
J.E.N
